The following quotes of abusive personality types are taken from Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He Do That. It’s amazing how many GCM woman fit these profiles, but they deny that they are abusive. Don’t they realize that if they deny they are abusers they are playing the victim according to their guru, Lundy?
Husbands of GCMers you might recognize a lot of these quotes in your wife. I am truly sorry if you do. If you are reading this there is a good chance she has already accused you of abuse. You may have even taken steps to improve the relationship which is a good thing. She, however, will never see herself as a contributing factor to your marriage problems. In the mind of a GCMer, everything is your fault and always will be. Unfortunately, when it gets this far there isn’t much you can do except take the blame for everything horrible in her life for the rest of your life. To quote Lundy’s abuser profile of Mr. Right, “Your opinions aren’t worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.” Of course your opinions are worth something but your GCM wife will not be listening to them and taking them into consideration. By this time she has been steeped in the cult teachings of GCM. Remember to love and pray for your wife even when she treats you badly. As God’s word says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”(Ephesians 5:25). Be strengthened in the grace that is in Christ. Tougher times are still ahead.
PLEASE NOTE: When I have switched the pronouns (examples: he to she or her to him), I have put them in quotes (pg 83, 85, 87. 99, 101). I jotted down some of the ones that made me think of my sister or other GCMers. It has been a year since I wrote my review of Lundy’s book and I do not have the book any longer. I didn’t think I would be making a post of them so I don’t have page numbers for the excerpts. If you want to find the quote it should be easy if you look under the appropriate heading: Mr. Right, Water Torturer, etc.
page 53: “…the abusive “woman” typically considers “herself” the authority on parenting…” Wow, that is completely my sister and probably a majority of GCMers! Ladies, all you have to do is switch the pronouns. Can you see yourself now?
“tears down, ridicules, and discredits “his” perspective, condescending, focused on telling “him” how to think, wants to impose “her” own ideas.”
“You should be in awe of my intelligence and you should look up to me intellectually. I know better than you do, even about what’s good for you.”
“Your opinions aren’t worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.” How ’bout now? Can you see yourself yet?
“The fact that you sometimes disagree with me shows how sloppy your thinking is.”
“When you disagree with me about something, no matter how respectfully or meekly, that’s mistreatment of me.”
“You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing.”
“I can easily convince other people that you’re the one who is messed up.”
“As long as I’m calm, you can’t call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel.” Surely you can see yourself now?
“I know exactly how to get under your skin.”
“I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong.”
“I know the exact way that everything should be done.”
“I love you more than anyone in the world, but you disgust me.”
“Everybody has done me wrong, especially the “men” I’ve been involved with. Poor me.”
“When you accuse me of being abusive, you are joining the parade of people who have been cruel and unfair to me.” Surely by now you can see yourself?
“”Men” who complain of mistreatment by “women”, such as relationship abuse or sexual harassment, are anti-”female” and out for blood.”
“The children are one of the best tools I can use to make you fearful.”
GCMer, if you see yourself (the hypocrisy and pride) in these quotes, please know there is forgiveness with the Lord. Confess your sins and trust in Christ to nail them to the cross. He came to seek and save the lost. What good news! Talk to your husband. Confess your sins to him. Work things out together. I can guarantee that neither of you have been perfect in your marriage. There is forgiveness for you both! There is new life in Christ!! And even from this point on neither of you will be sinless. But God’s word tells us in 1 John, “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins…” You can forgive your spouse today and tomorrow and the day after that, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:31-32).” If Christ forgave you, you can forgive your husband!!