RELATIONSHIPS AND SCRIPTURE

Young couple with baby.

In my last post I asked the questions: Does it [meaning graced based discipline (GBD)/gentlechristianmothers.com (GCM)] lead to arguments between you and your husband and has it interfered with your relationships causing divisions where there should be none?  Let us look at what the Bible teaches us about relationships.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3 ESV)

We, in our sinful nature, want to do things our way.  Sometimes we forget that our spouses have a different way of looking at things, and if we would take the time to listen to them, we would find a better solution to a problem.  Do you treat your spouse as more significant than yourself or is selfish ambition and conceit getting in the way (i.e. You know how to parent and your husband doesn’t – “I want parenting to be done my way because my way is right” “I am the one that researches and knows everything there is to parenting so this is the way it WILL be done.”  If this is your attitude, let me remind you of some scripture: Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction. and James 1:19 says, “be quick to hear, slow to speak.”)?

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:14-18 ESV)

Are you striving for peace in your relationships to your husband, parents, siblings, etc?  Or is GBD/GCM creating a division that you feel is ok because you are right and they are wrong?  This all goes back to: Is GBD your gospel?  If you think GBD is the ONLY way to go and you lessen anyone because they view parenting differently than you, you are not striving to live at peace.  The gospel is not grace based discipline.  The wonderful gospel is Christ was crucified for our sins and rose victorious over sin and death.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 ESV)

Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, …(Proverbs 11:29 ESV)

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV)

God is kind, merciful and loving. Praise be to God.  If you see that you are the cause of relationship problems, confess your sins, turn from them and praise God for His forgiveness through Jesus Christ!

If you are thinking of joining GCM or if your wife has joined, these are things to be aware of.  They do have a tendency on that site of treating graced based discipline as the gospel which causes division in their relationships with others.

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2 responses to “RELATIONSHIPS AND SCRIPTURE

  1. Pingback: HOW DO YOU LIVE AN UNSELFISH LIFE « Vine and Branch World Ministries

  2. “Does it [meaning graced based discipline (GBD) / gentlechristianmothers.com (GCM) lead to arguments between you and your husband and has it interfered with your relationships causing divisions where there should be none?”
    >No. My husband and I rarely argue. We listen to one another respectfully and try to understand where and why we might have differences of opinion. In my case, my husband has said that he is pleased by the way I have become a more gentle parent, and that he appreciates the calm simplicity of the discipline / discipleship ideas from GCM that I share with him.

    “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3 ESV)”
    >A lot of GBD is about learning to consider a child to be one of the “others” in our lives that God calls us to “count more significant than myself”… when we begin to apply the “one-another” commands of the Bible to our children, it becomes very clear that grace is the basis on which we *must* relate to them. (Of course, husbands too, but most healthy marriages already consist of spouses who love and respect each other. GCM isn’t going to change that.)

    “We, in our sinful nature, want to do things our way. Sometimes we forget that our spouses have a different way of looking at things, and if we would take the time to listen to them, we would find a better solution to a problem.”
    >GBD involves a lot of brainstorming. A variety of perspectives is very valuable.

    “You know how to parent and your husband doesn’t – “I want parenting to be done my way because my way is right” “I am the one that researches and knows everything there is to parenting so this is the way it WILL be done.”
    > While I don’t discount my husband’s thoughts and opnions, it is *his* opinion that as the primary caregiving parent and an active researcher of parenting ideas, I am very likely to have excellent practical parenting ideas. Also, since I am the primary caregiving parent, it is me who will be doing most of the implimentation. For the sake of consistancy, most of the time the primary caregiving parent takes the lead in childcare decisions.

    “Are you striving for peace in your relationships to your husband, parents, siblings, etc?”
    >Yes, where possible I seek peace with everyone ‘so far as it depends on me’. In addition to striving for peace in those relationships I seek peace in my relationship with my children. In my case, since my husband, parents and siblings respect me and honour my personal freedoms, I don’t encounter any conflict when I make gentle parenting decisions. I imagine if they were to challenge my freedom to parent according to my own values, there might be conflict.

    “Or is GBD/GCM creating a division that you feel is ok because you are right and they are wrong?”
    >When I think other people are wrong, they are free to hold their own opinions. Holding different opinions is not “division”. I however, am also free to retain my own opinions and act on them. If it’s a parenting opinion, it is a parent’s right to (a) act on their own opinions freely, (b) instruct other non-parents to abide by those opinions, and (c) make the child’s other parent aware when the other parent takes action to which “I” don’t consent, by telling them it’s not OK with me.

    In relationships based on respect, the above actions do not create division, except in cases where (a) someone tries to make the person feel less than free to act on their own opinons (b) non-parents refuse to follow the instructions of a parent regarding their own child, or (c) the other parent has an extrodinary reaction to learning that there are some things “OK” in their books that are “not OK” in the books of their spouse. (Healthy people find ways around the practices that their spouse has a strong objection to.)

    “If you think GBD is the ONLY way to go and you lessen anyone because they view parenting differently than you, you are not striving to live at peace.”
    >All people are of equal dignity, therefore it is not possible to “lessen” anyone. Believing someone else is making a mistake is not the same as believing they are a lesser person. I can live at peace with people I consider to be making mistakes — I do it every day. Don’t you?

    “They do have a tendency on that site of treating graced based discipline as the gospel which causes division in their relationships with others.”
    >I consider that to be a mistake and a false charge. All GCM members ‘sign’ a statement that includes the actual gospel. There is no other gospel there — just parenting ideas and other varieties of personal opinions.

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