Monthly Archives: June 2012

Marriage, Separation and Divorce: What Does the Bible Say?

Marriage:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 ESV) (see also Matthew 19:4-6)

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
(1 Corinthians 7:39 ESV)

Separation:
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11 ESV) –Can you separate from your spouse?  According to scripture, yes, BUT if you do separate from your spouse you should REMAIN UNMARRIED or be RECONCILED to your husband.  When is it okay to leave?  Scripture doesn’t say except for sexual immorality, but I think most people would agree abuse would be one of those reasons.  If you or your children are being physically hurt, LEAVE.  Be safe.  If your husband has threatened your life, LEAVE.  Be safe.  Remember that salvation is impossible with your husband, but it is not impossible with God.  Pray for his salvation.  One day maybe you will be able to be reconciled to him.  In the meantime, or if he never changes, remain unmarried.   Mark 10:12 says that if you divorce your husband and marry another you will be committing adultery.  If you are not scared for your life or your childrens’ lives then don’t rush into leaving.  It may look like the easier route and may indeed be, but remember the first part of this verse is do not be separated from your husband.  

A word of caution: Do not be looking for reasons to leave.  Marriage is something special.  The two become one flesh and this is a profound mystery that refers to Christ and the church (see Ephesians 5:32).  Did Christ leave you?  NO!  GCMers you talk so much  about giving grace to your children, are you giving any grace to your husband?  Christ died for you while you were still a sinner, He gave you something you were not worthy enough for on your own.  We can forgive much because Christ forgave us much.  Do you need to extend grace and forgiveness to your spouse today? 

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:15-16 ESV)

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.   
(Romans 12:18 ESV)

Divorce:
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”  (Matthew 19:6-9 ESV)

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32 ESV)

 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. (1 Corinthians 7:12-13 ESV)

 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.  (Hebrews 13:1-4 ESV)

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WIFE?

  • Has your GCM wife gotten mad at you for not being more gentle with your children? 
  • Does she treat you as a third wheel in the raising of your children? 
  • Have you started to notice her pulling away from you in all areas of life? 
  • Has she accused you of being abusive?
  • Has she then taken your children away from you?
  • Did she give you a set of boundaries to follow (i.e. only allowed to talk with her about the children and finances)?
  • Does she act like she wants a divorce but denies it to you?
  • Has she been acting as if everyone is against her (i.e. you, relatives, friends)?
  • Will she only communicate with you through e-mail?
  • Do those e-mails leave you with the feeling you are the only one guilty of everything bad with the marriage?
  • Are her e-mails cold, impersonal, condescending and angry?
  • Does she say she will give you a year to fix all your issues?
  • Does it feel like you can’t win no matter what you do?
  • Are there so many conditions and boundaries that you think she wants you to fail?

If any of the above sound too familiar, you are not alone!!!

Unfortunately, if the above sounds like what you are going through, it doesn’t get any better.  Not as long as she is on GCM.  If you feel like she wants a divorce, she probably does.  If you are taking responsibility for your part in the failing of your marriage, that is great, but don’t expect any encouragement from your GCM wife.  She has been told you will not change, “once an abuser always an abuser.”  Forget what Jesus said about salvation being impossible with man but  possible with God! 

What is likely to happen is she will go to Celebrate Recovery and/or she will see a therapist at a domestic violence center and she will will get more and more distant as she realizes the “abuse” she has put up with since she married you.   She may even pull away from friends and family, mom and dad, sisters and brothers if they don’t 100% agree with the way she is handling the situation.  She will consider them unsafe.  She is under a delusion of nothing she does is wrong, but everything other people do that she doesn’t like is wrong. 

Some of the women on GCM will tell her everything you do is abusive.  They will twist everything you say and write…EVERYTHING.  They are self-made psychological experts.  They will give your wife nonbiblical, pop-psychology advice.  And if there are other GCMers in the area, you will have the pleasure of them standing by your house while you try to get your children for a visit.  They need to be there because you are “unsafe” and your wife is scared of you.  In their minds they are there to protect your wife, but in reality they are there to intimidate you. 

Know that you aren’t alone.  Other men have went through this.  My sister cut her immediate family out of her life because we didn’t 100% agree with the way she was handling things (boundaries galore, not making much sense, not being very nice), so we got in contact with my brother-in-law to hear his side.  Wow!  Poor guy.  I am glad we were there for him otherwise he might have been driven insane.   I hope knowing that you aren’t alone will help you keep your sanity during this time.  (Actually my brother-in-law reached out to us first.  I told him what my sister told me to say, “Only talk to my sister about the children and the finances and I will not discuss her with you,” but my sister still wasn’t happy with that.  So when she wrote us out of her life, I contacted my brother-in-law.)

Even though things are bleak, there is hope.  It is in the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is all powerful.  Admit to God that you’re a sinner and repent (turn from) your sins and put your trust in Christ.  He will take you from death from sin to life in Him.  With Him, there is hope!  Be praying for your wife and your marriage!

More About Psychology

 The quotes below come from this article: http://www.angelfire.com/psy/idolatry/  

“We cannot act or believe as the world does, or follow its worldly teachers or those who try to mix worldly wisdom of the ungodly with God’s pure Word and call it holy because they themselves are perhaps “christian”.”

“He promises to send those who do not love truth a strong delusion so that they will believe the lie. What lie? Any lie, any falsehood or expert opinion of some professional, some outstanding member of the church hierarchy, pop “christian” author, highly recommended “christian” counselor, televangelist, “christian” politician, et al.” 

“To continue, some very well known men and women would have us believe they have been called by God to practice “christian psychiatry” or to teach
psychology to the church. They mostly say the bible is “insufficient” to solve the problems of the body of Christ and that the pastors and lay believers cannot handle the tough problems with the tools provided them in the Word of God. However, the Holy Bible says that God’s written Word and the Living Word, Jesus Christ is sufficient. These experts who encourage a psychobabble gospel fail to disclose how many clients such professionals have led into despair, divorce, or suicide while replacing the truth of God with a lie.”

“How many marriages have been weakened or “put asunder” in the name of helping achieve empowerment or personal fulfillment? Where is their absolute stand for the foreverness of marriage and family as required by God’s holy Word?  Where do such christian psychologist’s get the authority to justify encouraging divorce on the basis of abuse allegations or spousal misconduct?” – This is what happened to my sister!!!  The women on GCM aren’t psychologists, but they sure do give this kind of worldly advice.  They don’t know the men and often don’t know the women IRL (in real life), but that doesn’t stop some of these women to encourage others to separate, lie to their husband about their intentions of divorce, then file for a divorce.  It seems like a recurring theme on the site.  Now I don’t want to downplay abuse so I will soon be posting on that topic in greater detail as well as what the Bible says about marriage.  But knowing both my sister and brother-in-law, I know my sister was not abused like the women on this site have convinced her of.  In fact my sister read abuse books recommend from women on GCM, she then “discovered” she was abused by her own mother!!  She loved her mother up to this point and never would have assigned that mischaracterization to our dear mother before she read all those books!

“Godless ideas do not produce godly lives, marriages, or families.”        

“Jesus said his followers are to deny self.  Why then do therapists encourage almost every client to focus on self?  Where is our response to Apostle Paul’s command for us to esteem others as better than ourselves?”

“Psychotherapy and its unproven theory has become a false religion for millions. It has even become a destructive cult. Those ensnared follow their
therapists into idolatry instead of obeying the Word of God which can set them free. Until one comes to rely upon the Word of God as being wholly sufficient, one remains ensnared in false doctrines of demons.”

The article continues with the importance of godly counsel and the
sufficiency of Scripture and is worth reading in its entirety.