- Has your GCM wife gotten mad at you for not being more gentle with your children?
- Does she treat you as a third wheel in the raising of your children?
- Have you started to notice her pulling away from you in all areas of life?
- Has she accused you of being abusive?
- Has she then taken your children away from you?
- Did she give you a set of boundaries to follow (i.e. only allowed to talk with her about the children and finances)?
- Does she act like she wants a divorce but denies it to you?
- Has she been acting as if everyone is against her (i.e. you, relatives, friends)?
- Will she only communicate with you through e-mail?
- Do those e-mails leave you with the feeling you are the only one guilty of everything bad with the marriage?
- Are her e-mails cold, impersonal, condescending and angry?
- Does she say she will give you a year to fix all your issues?
- Does it feel like you can’t win no matter what you do?
- Are there so many conditions and boundaries that you think she wants you to fail?
If any of the above sound too familiar, you are not alone!!!
Unfortunately, if the above sounds like what you are going through, it doesn’t get any better. Not as long as she is on GCM. If you feel like she wants a divorce, she probably does. If you are taking responsibility for your part in the failing of your marriage, that is great, but don’t expect any encouragement from your GCM wife. She has been told you will not change, “once an abuser always an abuser.” Forget what Jesus said about salvation being impossible with man but possible with God!
What is likely to happen is she will go to Celebrate Recovery and/or she will see a therapist at a domestic violence center and she will will get more and more distant as she realizes the “abuse” she has put up with since she married you. She may even pull away from friends and family, mom and dad, sisters and brothers if they don’t 100% agree with the way she is handling the situation. She will consider them unsafe. She is under a delusion of nothing she does is wrong, but everything other people do that she doesn’t like is wrong.
Some of the women on GCM will tell her everything you do is abusive. They will twist everything you say and write…EVERYTHING. They are self-made psychological experts. They will give your wife nonbiblical, pop-psychology advice. And if there are other GCMers in the area, you will have the pleasure of them standing by your house while you try to get your children for a visit. They need to be there because you are “unsafe” and your wife is scared of you. In their minds they are there to protect your wife, but in reality they are there to intimidate you.
Know that you aren’t alone. Other men have went through this. My sister cut her immediate family out of her life because we didn’t 100% agree with the way she was handling things (boundaries galore, not making much sense, not being very nice), so we got in contact with my brother-in-law to hear his side. Wow! Poor guy. I am glad we were there for him otherwise he might have been driven insane. I hope knowing that you aren’t alone will help you keep your sanity during this time. (Actually my brother-in-law reached out to us first. I told him what my sister told me to say, “Only talk to my sister about the children and the finances and I will not discuss her with you,” but my sister still wasn’t happy with that. So when she wrote us out of her life, I contacted my brother-in-law.)
Even though things are bleak, there is hope. It is in the Lord Jesus Christ. He is all powerful. Admit to God that you’re a sinner and repent (turn from) your sins and put your trust in Christ. He will take you from death from sin to life in Him. With Him, there is hope! Be praying for your wife and your marriage!