Monthly Archives: March 2014

Hate Comments

Here is an example of how GCMers operate.  Once again they show their hypocrisy.  They are always right and everybody else is always wrong.  Even when they don’t know any of the people in real life.  They know it all!  “Herkimmerbones” wrote the following in different comment sections on my site.  My comments are obviously in maroon. 

“Thank you for clearly lining out just how little you understand about anything that happened. And you understand everything because????  You know my family, my brother-in-law, and you have known my sister all her life???? Do you even know my sister in real life?  Every word you write demonstrates that for you and your parents; the only thing that was important was yourselves. How YOU felt, how concerned YOU were, how embarrassed your Mother was, no concern at all for the person of your sister.

Thank you for making it so very clear.”

Why would you say I wasn’t concerned for my sister?  She was starting to drink to drown out her troubles.  Not a good time to take up drinking!  Then she lied about it.  Uh-oh, maybe there was a problem with her drinking if she wasn’t being forthright in telling me she was getting tipsy and even some GCMers were concerned.  Don’t you think a sibling who cares about the other one would worry once this was found out???  I was concerned for her mental health because she was seeing abuse in questions.  Did you even read the posts???  We were all concerned about the children for many reasons.  XXX XXXXX (edited April 13, 2014).

“I think you forgot the part where your affidavits stated that your sister was not capable of taking care of her children. Oh and the part where you quizzed a short-term acquaintance of hers from years before to certify that your sister had been ‘suicidal’ which by the way- hearsay is not admissible in court.
Talk about hearsay!  You have no idea what you are talking about!  I never contacted the “short-term acquaintance” as you call her.  I haven’t spoken with her since my sister left that area of the States.  I don’t even have her phone number!  She was contacted by the GAL and she told the GAL what had happened during that time.  I confirmed this information to the GAL when asked.  How do I know what happened?  I know because my sister told me about it after the fact (like the next day or something like that – I heard the story about my sister straight from my sister.).  Hence, why I was EXTREMELY worried about her and her children.  Did she tell you she XXX XXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXX XXX XXX XXXXXXXX (edited April 13, 2014) during that time as well?  She also had thoughts of leaving her family to go live with a woman she never met in real life, only online.  A total stranger!  She almost left her entire family to go live with a stranger many states away.  Bet she didn’t tell you that either.  I think there is a lot my sister is not telling you.  I was concerned then, imagine how frightened I was when she told us this was right up there with that tragedy and then kicks us out of her life!!  And to this day I am very concerned for her and her children.  And NO GCMer is helping her!

Oh- and please add in the part where BIL slept with the Guardian Ad Litem.”

Again, hearsay on your part!  I never heard that one.  Any proof????  Or is this one of my sister’s made up stories? 

“you really cannot see the beam in your own eye, can you. Nice work- you’ve tried and convicted yourself.”
What arrogance you have.  You have no idea what happened and you are so quick to judge people you have never met.  We have been worried sick about my sister since this all came about.  We still are sick over this.  There is nothing I can say though to you because you are part of the GCM cult that believes the GCMer is always right, always the victim, always to be believed no matter what the facts actually are.  It doesn’t matter if the family is concerned that she will be suicidal again or will have thoughts of XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXX XXXXX (edited on April 13, 2014)

I never wanted the information about my sister’s previous suicidal and homicidal thoughts to come out,  but you all obviously know about it.  No point in holding back in the details, heh?  So if there is anybody who wants to have a real conversation and not just hurl all these false accusations at me, I would be happy to answer any of your questions.  My hope would be that one of you would finally see the problem (my sister who seems to have become an habitual liar, changing her past history to suite her current lifestyle, and the possible danger to herself and others) and for once try to truly help my sister.



The Call For Repentance


I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity;  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. (Psalm 32:5 ESV)

Jesus would probably not be considered gentle by “gentle” “Christian” mothers when he spoke to the Pharisees and said something like this to them, “Woe to scribes and Pharisees, Hypocrites! Blind guides.”  They probably also wouldn’t consider it gentle to say, “For they preach, but do not practice...For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.  For you…make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves…You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean…So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (Matthew 23:1-36)

Why do I say they wouldn’t consider Jesus gentle? Many GCMers avoid talk of sin for the most part.  They don’t seem to think they or their kids are sinners.  They might say they are sinners so they can say they have grace, but they never admit any of the sins they actually commit are sins.  It is so much easier to call sins by a psychology term so they can keep doing what they are doing.  So they will probably think I am harsh and be mad at me for what I am about to say to them.  My purpose though is actually to call them to repentance so they may walk in a manner worthy of God (2 Cor 7:8-11, 1 Thess 2:12).

SIN!  Woe to you GCMers, you hypocrites, you blind guides, you who preach but do not practice.  You make others twice as much a child of hell as you yourselves are.  You profess to know God but your actions deny Him.  Mourn and weep over your drunkenness, your fornication, your adultery, your lies, your idolatry, your hatred, your arrogance and pride.  Repent! “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice   homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV).”  “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him (1 John 3:15).”  Those who practice these things will be thrown into the lake that burns with fire and sulfur (Revelation 21:8).

STOP! Stop playing the blame game.  Adam and Eve tried it, didn’t work.  Your sins are not the result of your (ex) husband or your parents.  “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire (James 1:14).”  Admit your sins to God and stop trying to deny them.  Do you really think God is going to accept those excuses on the day of judgment?  The guilt you feel is the result of the sin you continue to commit against a Holy God who humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross! (Phil 2:8)

FREEDOM!  True freedom does not come from body piercings, tattoos, drinking, workbooks, or sexual immorality.  You work hard for your freedom, but you are a slave to your sin.  Freedom, true freedom, only comes through Christ (John 8:31-38).  The Son sets you free!

FORGIVENESS!  How good of God to forgive us when we acknowledge our sins to Him.  He could hold our sins against us, but if we humble ourselves before Him, He gives us grace.  If we do not humble ourselves, keep on sinning deliberately, and not  confess our iniquities, He will oppose us.  It is a dreadful and fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. (James 4:1-10, Hebrews 10:26-31) Repent while it is still today!  The precious promise of God is that He will remember your sins and lawless deeds no more.  Today is the day of salvation through Christ Jesus our Lord as 2 Cor 6:2 says, “Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.”

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God
Psalm 51

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.

(Psalm 51:1-9 ESV)

 True Repentance by Phil Johnson, transcript
True Repentance, audio





So my sister’s friend wondered why my family would side with an abuser and try to take my sister’s children away from her.  We saw both sides of the situation.  We know both of them well.  We know what caused her to be afraid in May.  We saw my sister slip further and further from reality.  We saw her unable to cope with truth.  She told us that this was right up there with the other tragedy in her life.  I can’t tell you how that concerned me because of how she was after that.  It wasn’t good.  I was very frightened for her mental health and the children.  I was concerned she was in a cult.  We didn’t take sides, but we did try to help her and be fair to all involved.

We didn’t know what to do to help.  We ended up writing affidavits so maybe the judge would see a problem.  He did and assigned a Guardian ad Litem (GAL).  We told her our concerns for my sister.  I told her something was wrong with her and she needed some sort of help.  I didn’t mention I thought she was in a cult.  Maybe I should have.  The GAL assigned my sister’s entire family (wife, husband, children) to a psych evaluation.  The psych evaluation report stated both parties were abusive in the marriage.  After all the results were in, the GAL with great reservation, told the judge that she recommended my sister have custody of the children and she still wanted to stay on the case.  The judge never heard of a GAL staying on the case afterwards, so he refused.

Really, both parents had their issues and I think the GAL could see that.  I had told my BIL when he was being stupid.  Yes, I actually told him something he did was extremely stupid.  It was not good for his children at the time and should have been avoided, but it wasn’t.  I have been totally honest with my BIL whether he was being mean or stupid.  I let him know.  Believe it or not, he hasn’t  disowned me like my sister has.  I have also told him when my sister was being a jerk to him but I tried to convince him to return evil with good.

So we tried what we could to help my sister.  Everything we did was twisted into abuse.  She is still far from reality today and that is heart-breaking.  Unfortunately, my sister and BIL are both selfish to this day, they still mistreat one another, and their children are still caught in the middle.  Their children have been hurt the most.  I could go on and on, but I think I have given as much detail as I need to help others understand what happened.  As Proverbs 10:19 says, “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking.”



The Intermediary

Needless to say, my sister did not like what we had to say to her: love your enemies, don’t do what you told your cousin not to do, spend time with your children, get off the computer.  GCMers are allowed to do anything to anybody regardless of what the Bible says.

She wrote us one final e-mail.  It basically said we couldn’t support her at this time so she wasn’t going to talk to us.  She then ended by saying that we could pass any family emergency messages to her intermediary.

What is an intermediary?  The only reason I knew what one was by then is because she already told me her friend was going to get all her e-mails from her husband.  I thought it strange then and even stranger that now we had to go through this intermediary.

Well this did not sit well with any of us.  So my parents made their own “boundary”.  Dear Intermediary, no thanks!  Although my mom and dad sent it with their names on it, none of us wanted to tell a total stranger family tragedies.  Nope, that wasn’t going to happen.  I am sure her GCM friends helped her twist this into abuse too.  It’s what they do!  They are experts at it.

I remember it was a Friday.  I got this brilliant idea!  I called my family and I said, let’s go down to her place this weekend.  She lived a good ways away.  I thought that if we went to her house, it would make a difference.  My family wasn’t convinced it would do any good.  And really, it probably would not have made a difference.  The cult had already brainwashed her.  We didn’t go.

I did send an e-mail to the intermediary though.  I first sent a letter to my sister that was also addressed to this intermediary.  I explained my concerns in it.  I told the intermediary she shouldn’t be reading our e-mails.  I told her it was bizarre.  I told her she only knew my sister for a year or two.  We have known her a long time.  I told her, the intermediary, I was praying for her.

My sister did not respond so I sent an e-mail directed at just the intermediary.  I assumed she did not tell my sister I had written.  I told her I thought my sister was having a nervous breakdown.  I did say something not so nice about her being sick and twisted because I was trying to emphasize something was wrong with my sister and this so-called friend was not helping her.  For a long time, we thought this intermediary was the cause of everything.  She was only a part of the problem.  There was a group of GCMers that were “helping” her get away from her husband and family.

Shortly after this, my sister wanted my BIL to send personal financial information through this intermediary.  Needless to say he said he was not going to send private information to this stranger.  Who knows what she would do with the information given!  She could have robbed them both.  No, this was unwise.  I am sure she considered his no as financial abuse because all his actions by this time were considered some form of abuse.  She dictated (set a “boundary”) to him that he was to give a total stranger sensitive financial information and when he did not comply she screamed abuse.  By this time, she couldn’t reason through anything.  If it wasn’t her (GCM) way then it was abuse.


A Few Short Days

*There was a lot that happened in August.  One thing might have happened before the other, I don’t remember the exact order.*

My sister said abuse was escalating.  She said she was scared.  None of us understood why from what she told us.  Things were not making any sense.  I told her not to do what her cousin did.  She got mad at me for that.  She got mad at her husband for everything that he did and said.  She ended up over the next several months being mad at most of the people from her past over little things.    Who wasn’t she mad at?  GCMers.  Well, no, she was mad at some of them because they were concerned with her drinking.

Let me say this about her drinking.  Her GCM friends got her started.  She was getting tipsy.  Some GCMers were concerned.  She called me and told me they should have come to her if they had a problem and not posted what they posted, etc, etc, etc.  I told her it sounded like they were concerned for her.  This was something else that was hard to talk to her about. I was kind of getting concerned at this point and I didn’t even know how bad it was getting because I later found out she lied to me about how much she had been drinking.

So what happened next?  A lot.  We all had so many things to say to my sister.  To this day I believe she thinks we were conspiring with each other against her.  However, without consulting each other, my family each sent e-mails to her.  I was concerned for her spiritual health.  My parents were just concerned because she wasn’t acting like herself.  My other sister wanted her to know she was concerned about the children.  We later compared notes on what each of said since we didn’t know at the time we all were e-mailing her.  This was when she was mad at me for saying what I said about our cousin.  I then told her to love her enemies.   I sent another e-mail to tell her our parents were worried about her.  She told me to stop gossiping.  All we really said to each other was we were worried about her.  No gossip.  Now, remember, GCMers are allowed to get online and tell other GCMers how terrible their family and husbands are.  That is not gossip.  They are “helping” one another and “supporting” one another.  But if their families say they are worried about them, well that is gossip.  UGH!

None of us really knew what to do.

My parents response was:
There are always two sides to a story.
They felt neither side was 100% correct in their positions.
Their grandchildren were in a lose/lose situation.
The way she talks about their father in front of the kids would be detrimental to them.
They suggested she put her computer away because she spends way too much time on it.
Cancel cell phone because of the big importance in her life that it was.
Spend quality time with her children.
Violence on the childrens’ video games were negatively affecting them.

Oh, the horror, the toxicity!!!!  Do you see why she is so scared of us?  No, I don’t either.

So why did my parents say the above?  Because they cared for all parties involved.  They knew my brother-in-law was not perfect.  They also knew their daughter wasn’t either.  Every year when she would come home, it was the same thing.  She would have the oldest watch the others.  She spent a great deal of time on the computer.  That last summer was no different except she spent even more time on the computer.  If the experience was so bad, why wasn’t she spending more time with her children than usual to comfort them?  But her time was spent online.  She kept telling everybody that her main concern was for her children.  We did not see that during the summer nor during the divorce.  It was all about her.

So obviously we are toxic and unsafe because we care for all who are involved in this terrible situation.  We are allies of abuse because we can recognize that both my sister and brother-in-law have treated each other poorly.  We didn’t 100% support my sister because we pointed out concerns and we had the nerve to tell her to spend time with her children!


In early August, my sister sent us an e-mail about how happy she was because my brother-in-law was admitting he was abusive (NOTE: I know too much.  My sister always shared personal information with me.  Then after my sister said good-bye to us, my brother-in-law shared very personal information with me.  I can tell you from what I have heard out of both of their mouths, they would both be labeled abusers according to Lundy Bancroft.  My BIL was at least admitting he was a jerk in some situations, something my sister would NEVER acknowledge.  He wrote her and told her how he realized the times he didn’t listen to her, acknowledge the times he did, told her his perspective on certain issues in their marriage in the past.)  They weren’t together long (I think it was a few days???) because he got a temporary job several states away.  When he moved away, he even started to attend church.

But within a few short weeks things took a drastic turn.

He sent her an e-mail about his sins and about how he was going to church.  He was giving credit to God for some of the blessings he was noticing in his life.  From how much he hated God and the church, this was a big step.  He was actually opening up a Bible and reading it.

Her next e-mail to him was cold and distant.  It was about something she was very hurt by.  He answered her.  It quickly went bad.  She thought he was having an affair.  He explained that he was too friendly with women at work (though he said there was nothing physical and to this day he still says this).  He admitted it was wrong and that he needs to be more careful so people don’t get the wrong impression.

At the same time this was happening, she started to contact an old friend who happens to be a male.  He knew this or at least had reason to suspect this.  He was trying to change and she was upset with him but now she was going out of her way to contact someone who used to have a great interest in her.

My sister had told me when she was home she had a dream about this man.  I won’t go into details but it made me raise my eyebrows.  When she went home she told me she contacted him.  I tried to remind her of something she said to a member of the family who was being “helped” through her marriage separation by another man.  My sister knew this was wrong.  She talked to this family member about it.  I don’t know exactly what was said, but the relationship ended on a bad note.  (How did I handle this situation you may be asking?  This family member went to church so I approached her as a believer.  I told her it would be wise to go to the women of her church during this time and not to another man who is divorced and is probably interesting in more than friendship.  She ended up getting divorced and married this man.  Our relationship was strained for awhile, but we have moved past it.)  Now maybe a year later my sister was doing the same thing!

Now, dear reader, you have to understand that whatever a GCMer does is a-okay.  The same things are considered sin in others though.  They have grace so they are alright.  The truth of the matter though is that this is hypocrisy to say it is not okay for others to do something you yourself do and think is fine.  As Romans 2:3 says, “Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?”  I was getting quite concerned for my sister’s relationship with Christ by this point.

My sister was also being hypocritical about saying my brother-in-law was projecting his sins onto her.  NO!  He was concerned because in his mind, she was moving onto a new man (I really don’t think my sister knew that he knew what she was doing.  I knew because she had told me.  I later thought maybe she thought I told him and that is why she kicked me out of her life.  I tried to tell her I didn’t say a word to anybody about it.  He knew and he was asking the family if they knew anything about this man.).  He was trying to do what ever she asked.  He was trying to be the man that she wanted.  I want to make it perfectly clear, he was/is no saint!  Although he didn’t physically cheat, he did have some questionable stuff on his computer.  So if this is wrong of him (which it is), is it not wrong of her to contact a man out of the blue while her husband is trying to fix himself so he can fix his marriage?  A man that she had a dream about?  A man, I later found out, she texted flirtatiously with?  Plus, during this month she wanted to know if remarriage was okay.  I was learning about the beauty of Christ pursuing us even though we have strayed after other gods, and how amazing His love and patience with us is.  I was telling her how we often rush into the arms of another but our prayers should be for our spouses no matter what happens.  I could tell she didn’t like my answer because she quickly got off the phone.  It was getting harder and harder to share what God’s word says with her.

So within two weeks of sending us the e-mail above about how happy she was that he was getting help, she writes us another e-mail about how things are escalating out of control very fast.

She was upset that he was going to church.  This was spiritual abuse because he was talking about the 10 commandments in relation to himself and her.  He was learning the commandments at the church he was attending.

She wanted all the money and if he wanted any of it, then he was being financially abusive.

She didn’t want to divorce him yet because she wanted to get more money out of him first, but she just had to end it as soon as possible.

She said she felt unsafe.  I am not sure why.  There wasn’t anything in his e-mails that made me concerned for her well-being, plus he was 16-18 hours away.  Things were escalating out of control because of the advice her GCM friends were giving her.

At this point, looking back, I can see the cult really striking.  Instead of taking things slow, one issue at a time, boundaries had to be put up.  Not your normal kind, no.  These were total control boundaries – it was a control tactic.  To someone who isn’t used to any boundaries, let alone total control boundaries, there are going to be questions.  But asking questions is a big no-no.  GCMers are NOT allowed to be questioned!  Cults don’t like to be questioned!  She made a boundary only to discuss finances and children and how dare he ask questions about her or the future of the their marriage.

I just want to add here that all summer she would show me texts and e-mails and talk about the abuse in them.  He was just asking questions for the most part.  One particular e-mail was a list she made for an agreement of some sort.  He typed up questions/concerns under each agreement.  She saw abuse in them.  I kept saying things like, “I think he means this because he said this.”  She wanted to see abuse.  It wasn’t in there.  They were reasonable responses.  But she was talking to her GCM friends who can spot “abuse”.  They help each other see it when the wives can’t!  Yes, sadly this is true.  They put up their personal correspondences  on a web forum and have people rip the husband/family/church apart.  This is NOT Christianity.

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. (Proverbs 10:12 ESV)

Unfortunately, this sad tale continues.  But until then, HERE are Scriptures on gossip and lies from Open Bible and an article on gossip from Got Questions.

Let us seek to do what David asked of God in Psalm 141:3, “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”

*There was a lot that happened in August.  One thing might have happened before the other, I don’t remember the exact order.  It all happened in August.  It was a bad month!*

The Summer

My sister was still in shock from getting my brother-in-law help and him having a reaction.  I would often come to visit because I live fairly close to my mom and dad.  I remember sitting in my parents’ bedroom with my sister who was happy with the e-mail she just received from my brother-in-law.  As I have mentioned before, they moved a lot.  My sister was at the end of her rope with moving.  My BIL was looking at a job half way around the world.  It was starting to dawn on him that family came before his career.  There was no way my sister wanted to move that far away!  He turned down the job!!  I rejoiced with her.

My brother-in-law, in the meantime, was still trying to find a job.  He seemed to be getting his medicine regulated.  He actually heard her concern about picking up and moving half way around the world.

My sister was on GCM a lot during this time.  They recommended books on abuse for her to read.  One of them was, Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft.  My mom used her library card to check out and do interlibrary loans so my sister could read these books.  It was embarrassing for my mom because she didn’t want anyone to think she was the one who needed the books because of her husband.  Like I said earlier, she tries to help her children in any way she can even if it is embarrassing for her.

My sister was reading these books and talking to GCMers.  By the end of June she was even more depressed.  She wouldn’t even talk to him on Skype.  I told him she didn’t want to talk to him right then.  He was probably very confused.  I was confused.  I was going between the two.  I felt awkward doing so, but I did it.  My sister didn’t want to talk to him so I was trying to be there for her.  During the conversation, he was talking about the birthday gift he had ordered for her.  He shows his love by spending money on people.  But they really were low in money so this was stressing her out even more.  I don’t think he understood that.  He was never really good with money.  I explained to him that it would be best to cancel the gift because money was tight and that she didn’t need a gift.  Gifts are a way he shows love, so it was hard for him to do so, but I do believe he reluctantly cancelled the gift.

July came and went.  My sister spent a lot of time on GCM.  Her time to go back home was fast approaching.  I told her if she wasn’t ready yet to not go.  Things would work out (school, bills, etc.).  She decided to go back.  Then things just started getting weird.

The Situation

Let’s fast forward to the beginning of the end.

My sister and brother-in-law moved a lot.  It created a lot of stress.  Things weren’t good.  Unfortunately, they moved around some GCMers.  What do GCMers know of my brother-in-law?  Not much.  They were around him for maybe a year or year and a half and during a very difficult part of his life too.  He lost his job, they were low on money, he was getting more and more depressed.  My sister was already stressed from the move, stressed over the job loss, stressed over the money, stressed at his depression.

During this time, I started noticing changes in my sister.  She was withdrawing from my mom because, well, why was she?  She told me.  I just remember not understanding what the fuss was about.  It was such a minor thing and more like a misunderstanding.  During this time she got a piercing and she seemed to be glad it would cause “controversy” with the family when she came home that summer.  I remember seeing it on Skype.  But with the lack of clarity, I thought it was a booger or speck of dirt.  Me being who I was at the time probably said something along the lines of, “That’s stupid. Don’t you know it will leave a permanent mark?”  So there were these little things that often left me scratching my head.  [I later learned that several GCMers encourage separation from family for minor issues, minor misunderstandings and minor disagreements.  This is also what cults do.]

Around this time, my sister would tell me what a jerk my BIL was being.  This is normal.  I must confess I would often not speak highly of my spouse either.  God has taught and continues to teach me to think about what I say about people, all people.  It is a life changer!  But what wasn’t normal was that she wasn’t doing anything about it.  She was never one to back down.  I asked her why she didn’t tell him.  I was left scratching my head as to why she never said anything about the things he would say.  It wasn’t like her.  Could it be she was told she was abused by GCMers and she couldn’t ever say anything anymore (i.e. she couldn’t be herself?)?  Was she truly scared?  Were they both so depressed, neither were acting like their typical selves?  I don’t know.  Also at the time I didn’t really give GCM any thought.  I only wondered what kind of influence GCM was during this time well after she said good-bye to us.  (Please note: There was never anything physical.  It was words that were tearing her down.)

May got bad.  She tried to get him help for his depression.  He was admitted into a hospital.  My sister would call with updates.  I know it was a hard time.  I tried to be an encourager as best I could.  Times were not easy.  She would call me at any hour.  I didn’t care.  I was there for her no matter what time of day or night.

My brother-in-law was put on medication and then released.

It just got worse though.  He had a reaction because two medicines should not have been mixed.  I never doubted the situation was scary (he threw a computer against the wall).  She tried to tell him to stop taking the one medication because it was causing him to be worse.  He went ahead and took another one (I think he would agree with me here.  He was not in his right state of mind.  He was depressed.  He was on a medicine that was causing him to be worse.  He was clearly not thinking straight.).

I told her to leave earlier than she planned to come for her annual trip home.  She would stay with my parents about two months every year because she usually lived far away.  I knew my parents would not have a problem with this.

I am sorry to say, at the time I didn’t have much compassion for my BIL.  I was only thinking of my sister.  I know he had problems and had nobody else but my sister, but at the time I just wanted her and the kids to leave instead of being around him.  Today, I would still have recommended the same thing, but I would have been a bit more concerned for my brother-in-law.  To do it all over again, maybe I would call him, see how he was doing and try to encourage him?

I do believe she left a few days early.

Oh, wait, what did my sister tell all her friends though?  Because I got this comment the other day from one of her friends, “Bottom line, if your sister/daughter tells you that she’s being abused you believe her.  Period.  You *never* tell her to love her enemy in that case.  If she turns out to be wrong, you deal with that then.  But your sister, your daughter? You believe her.  There’s simply no other sane response, unless she has a diagnosed personality disorder and has given you reason in the past to disbelieve her.  And EVEN THEN, you get her and her children the heck out of there first, THEN deal with her mental instability.  Nowhere in your sister posts have you ever hinted at previous mental instability, so I’m going to assume there was none.  So your family had NO excuse to disbelieve her.  None.  What you did to her was shameful.”

Maybe GCMers should stop thinking they are experts on everything and realize there is always more to the story than someone online is going to tell you?  Maybe they shouldn’t assume everybody’s (GCMers that is) family is abusive, toxic and unsafe?

At the Beginning

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8, ESV)

With my sister being quite out spoken and with both my sister and brother-in-law always wanting to have things their way, there was tension in the marriage.  My mom would tell my sister that the marriage won’t last five years because she never backed down, never walked away.  She was a fighter.  My sister would not have been considered a meek and mild wife by a long shot.  She was also bossy to her husband.  I am sure that caused some fights too.  And just to add here, my brother-in-law is far from perfect.  He too wouldn’t back down.  Neither were or are perfect.  Neither of them have ever spoken nicely to one another.

Years later a tragedy occurred in my sister’s household.  My sister was never truly the same after that.  From that point on there was always a concern for her mental health – depression.  She would have her good times and bad, but my concern for her was always there.  I tried to be supportive of her as I knew how.  The tragedy took a further toll on the marriage.  And shortly thereafter (I do believe that is the correct time frame), she joined GCM.

Fast forward a few more years.

Now remember, my sister has a strong personality.  She is not afraid to voice her opinions.  She started having problems with family members because they said she should spank her child who was acting out of control at the time.  Well she doesn’t believe in spanking.

*Just want to add here that like all families there are going to be things that annoy you about them and vice versa.  My family (including extended family) and I have gotten annoyed with each other over certain things.  I have learned that these weren’t major issues in life.  My differences are that: differences.  To make them into horrible human beings because they see certain things differently than me would not be right of me.  It would not be right of them to think that about me.  I learned not to talk about certain things to them (I guess you could say I made a boundary.  That word has become so negative to me though as you will see later.).  When those things come up, I make jokes about it or not respond.  It really turns out not to be a big issue.  It is all in what you make it.  If you make it into a big issue, then it becomes a big issue.*

For my extended family to even suggest maybe she should spank her child, she disdained them.  She would talk to me about it.  I just didn’t see the huge issue.  Let it go.  This was while I was learning to let things go too.

This was the start of what GCM does to families.  Divides.

And it is perfectly justifiable because after all, according to some GCMers, any form of spanking is abuse (see my spanking articles Here, Here and Here for why this is not always the case.).  Anyone have any Bible verses that says that spankers are evil or that they need to be avoided or spanking should divide people?

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
(Proverbs 19:11 ESV)

Family Background

I know I need to be careful over the next several posts since I will be going into personal matters.  Please know I am not doing so with any maliciousness or hatred towards anyone.  I am not doing this to spread gossip, but to finally reveal our side of the story.  My sister had the opportunity to share her side with thousands of her online bff’s so now they will know the other side of the story.  As I write I will continually have these verses on my mind.

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.  2 Timothy 2:24-26, ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  Colossians 3:12-13, ESV

I spoke to my brother-in-law early on in the makings of this website and asked if he was comfortable with me saying certain things.  He basically said he didn’t care what I said about him.

My parents know a bit about this website, but they don’t know as much as I do about my sister.  They have not been the same since this happened and some things I reveal I do not want them to know simply because their health can not withstand it.  Anything I say about them, I do not think they will have a problem with.  From long ago conversations with them, I think they would be happy that their side is finally being told.

Here is a bit of family background before I start to introduce what happened from our perspective.

My sister was always outgoing, smart, and feisty!  She was considered the bossy one in the family.  She loves being online.  She likes being the center of attention.  She NEVER had a problem with speaking her mind.

I was considered the tactless one (something I have been trying to improve over the years).  I would often would say things before speaking and hurt people’s feelings.  I was always super shy unless I was around my family.  I am just a bit more outgoing now.  I am probably also considered the weird one, hey  I like to entertain my family.  I always did things differently than my siblings.  I love to laugh.  Unfortunately, I also laugh when I am nervous which has gotten me into trouble before.

My mom is a loving woman who cares deeply about her family.  People travel miles just to spend the night at my parent’s house instead of a hotel because of the inviting atmosphere.  She loves to stuff people full of food as soon as they walk in the door!  She is not perfect, but she is a great mother!  She worries herself sick over us, always has and always will.

My dad is great.  Sarcasm is his weakness.  Odd sense of humor.  He is a man who loves his family.

My parents would do anything for their children.  They would travel cross-country to be with us in our times of need, we never had to worry about financial problems, they always opened their house to us when we needed shelter.  They never turned their backs on any of us.  They love each one of us unconditionally, yes they still love my GCM sister.

My brother-in-law came from a rich family.  He has a strong work ethic which was often a pit-fall in their marriage.

We knew in our family what each of our faults were but we loved each other anyway (or so I thought).