Monthly Archives: April 2014

Don’t Ignore Problems

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29

There is not one Christian community that is devoid of sin.  All Christian communities are made up of sinners who have been saved by grace.  Christ gave them a new heart yet they still struggle with their flesh.  Perfection is desired but we also realize this is not possible on this side of life.  This is why humility and forgiveness are needed.  The sanctification process takes a lifetime.  There should be continual growth in any Christian group.

On Thursday, April 10, 2014 there was a thread started on the Let’s Talk part of the GCM forum called I think its extremely sad.  It has since been locked to further comments.

There were many on there who were upset with what the original poster said, “Now the only people left are the “yes men” …. so go ahead, tear me a new one, but this is the truth.”  One GCMer handled it well.  Mamaka (#159) did a good job!  I recommend everyone go read what she said to illinoismommy.  It is so sad to see that many don’t speak this way on a supposedly Christian site.  Although Mamaka did not exactly like how illinoismommy said something, she tried to understand her and not dismiss her because of the way she chose to say it.  Although Mamaka had no answers, she acknowledged the problem.  I also want to mention gentlemommy’s apology (#185) to milkdud.  It was very nice to see someone humbly confessing what they did wrong!  It was wonderful to see something favorable.  So although most of the comments were not so good, helpful or edifying on this thread, there were two positive ones worth mentioning.

I get rude comments from GCMers all the time.  People are upset with what I write.  Sometimes I do have to go back and make a correction.  This just happened recently in my Hate Comments post.  Although the GCMer  misconstrued my intentions and was not so nice about how she said it, I still took the time to look over what she was offended about.  I did notice right away that I really didn’t want that much information out there so I edited it out.  It was a reminder to myself that I really have to take more time to post sometimes!  A good reminder to us all – don’t talk or write in anger!  Although I was quite disgusted withHerkimmerbonesattitude on something she knew nothing about and appalled at what she said, I really did need to take into account others whom I was talking about.  If I hadn’t posted in such haste I would have also gotten my brother-in-laws approval first before I posted the gossip of the commenter.  He didn’t care so I left it up.  But in the same post, I didn’t even think of others when I should have.  The mistakes had been made, all I could do was humbly admit it then try my best to fix them.

I could have instead done what many GCMers do.  Not even acknowledge the problem because  the person was rude in the way that she told me about the problem.  But ignoring problems is not the answer.  I could have just “given myself grace” for my “big feelings” but I would still be in my sin.  I went to the One who is able to forgive and give grace because He bled and died for my sins.  I confessed my anger and my thoughtlessness in considering others.  I received the grace that comes from God.  It is by far better than any grace I can give myself.  For when He gives me grace there is then no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (from Romans 8:1).

GCMers (as well as myself) watch how you say things to people.  Let us humbly count others more significant than ourselves (from Phil 2:3).  When we fall short in this area let us confess our sins and receive forgiven.

GCMers stop ignoring problems.  Address them, even if someone is not so nice in the way it was brought up.  Have patience with them and work through the problem instead of ignoring the person.  Forgive the person for their hurtful words.  Help them in a godly way  to work through their frustrations.  Obviously illinoismommy was upset and instead of bashing her into the ground for what she said, gently correct her and then address the problem.  It was truly heartbreaking to read through that thread because very little was accomplished.  Ignoring problems will not make them go away (there are other threads where this also happens).  GCM is bound to have a repeat performance of another split because people bring up concerns but instead of getting answers they get attacked – it’s the “Gentle” “Christian” way I suppose.

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4

 

The Joy of Easter

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV

Isaiah 53
Sovereign Grace Music

Unto death He was stricken
Assigned a grave with the wicked
Raised to life and seated glorious
Savior King, our God victorious
Never more to die, He lives

The god Of Abuse

“Gentle Christians” mothers is an online support group for Christian women to be gentler moms.  Moms sometimes need to be encouraged to raise their children in the Lord.  You decide you want to be a better mom.  You come across a website that claims to be Christian.  You look on their website and see this on their about page:

1) To encourage mothers to minister to their children heartily, as unto the Lord.
2) To help mothers learn to parent more gently.
3) To offer mothers information so they can make informed choices.
4) To strengthen and build mothers’ confidence in their choices and in their ability to parent their children as God guides them.
5) To encourage mothers to love their children, their husbands, and, above all, to love our Lord God.

Can’t argue with any of them except I might add as God guides them through His word to number 4.  All great goals!  You think, “Great! I am going to sign up!”  Unfortunately, this is not what happens much of the time on GCM.  The above listed goals are very misleading.  In reality they should read:

1) To encourage moms to spend more and more time on GCM.
2) To help mothers learn to parent without the help of the fathers.
3) To offer mothers information so they can parent “our” way.
4) To strengthen mothers to be in total control of all child-rearing decisions.
5) To encourage mothers to love a false god and leave their husbands and put their children on antidepressants and other brain drugs (I have heard this from a few people now plus all of my sister’s children have been put on different drugs over the past two or so years).

It has been nice to see some deactivations stating that they need to spend more time with their families.  Yeah!  Also, the owner of the site did say they were going to get back to the goals of GCM.  It is concerning how far removed they became in the first place and will change really happen?  I can’t answer those questions.  This site may have started with good intentions and it had such potential to be a place of encouragement, but knowing what happened to my sister and others, I know this is an unsafe place to be.  I am not very hopeful that there will be any lasting change.  There are too many people still on GCM that follow the latter goals.

So if you are new to “Gentle Christian” Mothers, you might expect them to talk a lot about God and His word.  You might not know that evil takes place deep within.  The ungodly spouting off their ungodly doctrines.  You may go for a year or two thinking all is peachy-keen, but that is because you aren’t part of the privileged class.  They worship a different god.  She is the god of abuse.  And she has different rules to play by and if you go off script, well you will most likely be labeled toxic or unsafe.

How can this be?  It starts by getting woman to believe that anyone who is supportive of spanking is an abuser.  Once they believe that, then the separation from family can begin.  They talk down to their husbands because what do they know about parenting?  Nothing in their opinion.  They are the ones who spend all day on the computer talking to “experts” so they know it all.  If the husband doesn’t comply with all of their “rules” for parenting, then the breakdown of the marriage results.  From there it just gets nastier and nastier.

Here are some of the rules of the abuse god you should know about if you are going to join GCM.

(The following images were all taken from http://teampyro.blogspot.com.  Too bad the first two pictures weren’t of women.)

1) If you, a GCMer, claims abuse, then everything the said abuser does is abuse.  Nothing nice can be said about the alleged abuser nor can anyone tell you that something he is doing is rational because to do so would be to take his side, to do so would not be supporting you, the GCMer, 100%.  To do so would be crossing a boundary.  Anyone who crosses a boundary needs to be immediately cast out of your life forever.

2) Anyone who disagrees with you does not worship the one true abuse god and has crossed a boundary,  have nothing to do with them.

3) Slander the accused at any chance you get.  Tell everyone.  If someone cautions you on how you are speaking about the abuser, cut them out of your life.  They obviously don’t understand the healing process.

4) Never read the Bible.  If you do, only read the parts about grace and forgiveness and then apply it only to yourself.

5) Tell everyone how terrible your parents are.  They deserve to be treated without any consideration unless they are okay with your new cult-like personality and slandering your husband.

6) Hate everyone who even says the slightest thing you might take as an insult.  Hope they die and go to hell.  After all they crossed a boundary.

7) Commit adultery/fornication.  How else will you heal?
Also body mutilation is a good thing.

8) Try to take all your husband’s money and if he doesn’t give it all to you, tell everyone he is financially abusing you.  He is obviously crossing a financial boundary if he wants any money.

9) Tell lies if you have to if will advance your agenda.

10) Never answer questions.  You owe it to no one.  There are no reasonable questions.  They are obviously asking you questions to keep you under their control.  Don’t let anyone cross this boundary. 

Take heed of Paul’s words to Timothy:

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

If you are thinking of joining GCM, remember the words of Paul and have nothing to do with people like this!

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (2 Cor 6:14-15, ESV)

Bad Theology – Fellowship with Unbelievers

“Gentle Christian” Mothers allows anyone on as long as they don’t believe spanking is okay.  They can be Christian, Mormon, Catholic, Psuedo-Christian, anything but a spanker.  Considering the name has Christian in it, let’s take a look at what God says.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (2 Cor 6:14-15, ESV)

Inclusivity only leads to problems.  If we would read and obey Scripture we would know the dangers.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.  (1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV)

You might say, “It is just parenting advice!”  Oh, but parenting advice from non-Christians is always devoid of biblical truths from scripture.  We are to raise our children to know God and His word.  We are to teach them the dangers of sin, the amazing grace of our God, His mercy and forgiveness, and walking in His ways.  Too infrequently will there be any talk of such things on GCM.  Most advice has to do with the latest pop psychology studies devoid of mentioning the dreaded word – sin.  The foundation laid at GCM is that children have age appropriateness (I can’t remember the term GCMers always use).  There is nothing wrong with recognizing that a 3 year old can’t do the dishes but a 13 year old can.  There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the older a child gets, the more he understands.  But when age appropriateness and developmental milestones take the place of biblical truths, then there is a problem. Outbursts of anger become “big feelings” instead of sin that needs to be addressed.  Mammas just have “big feelings” too so instead of asking Christ to forgive them, they just remind each other to, “give yourself grace.”   What is missing in parenting on GCM is Christ.  Every once in a while He gets an honorable mention, but He is far from the focus at GCM.

Instead of seeking godly counsel when women are having problems in their marriage or with their family, the fellowship of unbelievers says to divorce and never talk to your family again.  I have heard from many formers who all said similar things: there was a lot of husband bashing going on, convincing wives they are abused so that everyone started getting divorced,  people were encouraged to leave husband, friends and family over minor disagreements.

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
(Psalm 1:1 ESV)

Wordliness, carnality and indifference to sin are becoming the norms at GCM.  How did that happen?  Fellowship with unbelievers.  The god of this age blinds (2 Cor 4:4) them from the truth of the gospel.

You adulterous people!  Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4, ESV)

Terrible Excuses

The owner of GCM once told me this about the way things work on GCM.  “Many different viewpoints may be expressed on the board.  We just ask that members respect the statement of beliefs and not post in a way which promotes beliefs which are contrary to our statement of beliefs and we ask that they follow the posting guidelines.”  And restated in the same e-mail to me, “Again, as I mentioned, we ask that members respect the statement of beliefs and not post in a way which promotes beliefs which are contrary to our statement of beliefs and we ask that they follow the posting guidelines.”  Some one I know looked on the public forum before and told me it had the makings of a cult, he couldn’t see from the public that it was.  He also mentioned a lot of the bad theology he saw.

The following quote is from a lady named Beth on Camille’s facebook page (I have no idea who these people are.  All I know from reading on facebook is Camille is a former GCMer who had problems with GCM).  From the sounds of it, Beth clicked on a GCM link for the first time.  This is what she said about it, “So having lurked a few threads, this is what I have come away with.  One thread of someone complaining about a remark her husband made.  Rather than discussing this issue with him, she went to a forum of strangers to complain and gain affirmation/ammunition from them.  NO ONE in the forum suggests she talk it out with her husband.  Other threads appear to be people looking for others to help them make what should be simple decisions. There seems to be an atmosphere of undue dependence on the opinions of the group. Not good.  So that’s just what I’ve gathered from a brief period of  lurking.”  Wow, she saw that after just a tiny bit of time gandering around!  And none of the people in charge at GCM can see this???

“We are being light.”  If GCM would argue this, that they think they are doing a good thing by allowing non-Christians on the site, they are mistaken.*  I really don’t know if they think this or not, but this thought is often seen in Christianity today, being light to non-Christians by bringing them into close fellowship with believers.  As all the above verses mention that doesn’t work.  If GCM was actually a gospel centered place then non-Christians would be able to read the public forum pages and learn about godly parenting (BTW, non-Christians wouldn’t learn much of anything on GCM about biblical parenting or the gospel because they have strayed so far from the statement of belief.)

* Now I know where this came from.  The former GCMer mentioned it in the guest post.  Read it HERE.  (This was updated May 2, 2014) Continue reading