Tag Archives: boundaries

The god Of Abuse

“Gentle Christians” mothers is an online support group for Christian women to be gentler moms.  Moms sometimes need to be encouraged to raise their children in the Lord.  You decide you want to be a better mom.  You come across a website that claims to be Christian.  You look on their website and see this on their about page:

1) To encourage mothers to minister to their children heartily, as unto the Lord.
2) To help mothers learn to parent more gently.
3) To offer mothers information so they can make informed choices.
4) To strengthen and build mothers’ confidence in their choices and in their ability to parent their children as God guides them.
5) To encourage mothers to love their children, their husbands, and, above all, to love our Lord God.

Can’t argue with any of them except I might add as God guides them through His word to number 4.  All great goals!  You think, “Great! I am going to sign up!”  Unfortunately, this is not what happens much of the time on GCM.  The above listed goals are very misleading.  In reality they should read:

1) To encourage moms to spend more and more time on GCM.
2) To help mothers learn to parent without the help of the fathers.
3) To offer mothers information so they can parent “our” way.
4) To strengthen mothers to be in total control of all child-rearing decisions.
5) To encourage mothers to love a false god and leave their husbands and put their children on antidepressants and other brain drugs (I have heard this from a few people now plus all of my sister’s children have been put on different drugs over the past two or so years).

It has been nice to see some deactivations stating that they need to spend more time with their families.  Yeah!  Also, the owner of the site did say they were going to get back to the goals of GCM.  It is concerning how far removed they became in the first place and will change really happen?  I can’t answer those questions.  This site may have started with good intentions and it had such potential to be a place of encouragement, but knowing what happened to my sister and others, I know this is an unsafe place to be.  I am not very hopeful that there will be any lasting change.  There are too many people still on GCM that follow the latter goals.

So if you are new to “Gentle Christian” Mothers, you might expect them to talk a lot about God and His word.  You might not know that evil takes place deep within.  The ungodly spouting off their ungodly doctrines.  You may go for a year or two thinking all is peachy-keen, but that is because you aren’t part of the privileged class.  They worship a different god.  She is the god of abuse.  And she has different rules to play by and if you go off script, well you will most likely be labeled toxic or unsafe.

How can this be?  It starts by getting woman to believe that anyone who is supportive of spanking is an abuser.  Once they believe that, then the separation from family can begin.  They talk down to their husbands because what do they know about parenting?  Nothing in their opinion.  They are the ones who spend all day on the computer talking to “experts” so they know it all.  If the husband doesn’t comply with all of their “rules” for parenting, then the breakdown of the marriage results.  From there it just gets nastier and nastier.

Here are some of the rules of the abuse god you should know about if you are going to join GCM.

(The following images were all taken from http://teampyro.blogspot.com.  Too bad the first two pictures weren’t of women.)

1) If you, a GCMer, claims abuse, then everything the said abuser does is abuse.  Nothing nice can be said about the alleged abuser nor can anyone tell you that something he is doing is rational because to do so would be to take his side, to do so would not be supporting you, the GCMer, 100%.  To do so would be crossing a boundary.  Anyone who crosses a boundary needs to be immediately cast out of your life forever.

2) Anyone who disagrees with you does not worship the one true abuse god and has crossed a boundary,  have nothing to do with them.

3) Slander the accused at any chance you get.  Tell everyone.  If someone cautions you on how you are speaking about the abuser, cut them out of your life.  They obviously don’t understand the healing process.

4) Never read the Bible.  If you do, only read the parts about grace and forgiveness and then apply it only to yourself.

5) Tell everyone how terrible your parents are.  They deserve to be treated without any consideration unless they are okay with your new cult-like personality and slandering your husband.

6) Hate everyone who even says the slightest thing you might take as an insult.  Hope they die and go to hell.  After all they crossed a boundary.

7) Commit adultery/fornication.  How else will you heal?
Also body mutilation is a good thing.

8) Try to take all your husband’s money and if he doesn’t give it all to you, tell everyone he is financially abusing you.  He is obviously crossing a financial boundary if he wants any money.

9) Tell lies if you have to if will advance your agenda.

10) Never answer questions.  You owe it to no one.  There are no reasonable questions.  They are obviously asking you questions to keep you under their control.  Don’t let anyone cross this boundary. 

Take heed of Paul’s words to Timothy:

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

If you are thinking of joining GCM, remember the words of Paul and have nothing to do with people like this!

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (2 Cor 6:14-15, ESV)

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WIFE?

  • Has your GCM wife gotten mad at you for not being more gentle with your children? 
  • Does she treat you as a third wheel in the raising of your children? 
  • Have you started to notice her pulling away from you in all areas of life? 
  • Has she accused you of being abusive?
  • Has she then taken your children away from you?
  • Did she give you a set of boundaries to follow (i.e. only allowed to talk with her about the children and finances)?
  • Does she act like she wants a divorce but denies it to you?
  • Has she been acting as if everyone is against her (i.e. you, relatives, friends)?
  • Will she only communicate with you through e-mail?
  • Do those e-mails leave you with the feeling you are the only one guilty of everything bad with the marriage?
  • Are her e-mails cold, impersonal, condescending and angry?
  • Does she say she will give you a year to fix all your issues?
  • Does it feel like you can’t win no matter what you do?
  • Are there so many conditions and boundaries that you think she wants you to fail?

If any of the above sound too familiar, you are not alone!!!

Unfortunately, if the above sounds like what you are going through, it doesn’t get any better.  Not as long as she is on GCM.  If you feel like she wants a divorce, she probably does.  If you are taking responsibility for your part in the failing of your marriage, that is great, but don’t expect any encouragement from your GCM wife.  She has been told you will not change, “once an abuser always an abuser.”  Forget what Jesus said about salvation being impossible with man but  possible with God! 

What is likely to happen is she will go to Celebrate Recovery and/or she will see a therapist at a domestic violence center and she will will get more and more distant as she realizes the “abuse” she has put up with since she married you.   She may even pull away from friends and family, mom and dad, sisters and brothers if they don’t 100% agree with the way she is handling the situation.  She will consider them unsafe.  She is under a delusion of nothing she does is wrong, but everything other people do that she doesn’t like is wrong. 

Some of the women on GCM will tell her everything you do is abusive.  They will twist everything you say and write…EVERYTHING.  They are self-made psychological experts.  They will give your wife nonbiblical, pop-psychology advice.  And if there are other GCMers in the area, you will have the pleasure of them standing by your house while you try to get your children for a visit.  They need to be there because you are “unsafe” and your wife is scared of you.  In their minds they are there to protect your wife, but in reality they are there to intimidate you. 

Know that you aren’t alone.  Other men have went through this.  My sister cut her immediate family out of her life because we didn’t 100% agree with the way she was handling things (boundaries galore, not making much sense, not being very nice), so we got in contact with my brother-in-law to hear his side.  Wow!  Poor guy.  I am glad we were there for him otherwise he might have been driven insane.   I hope knowing that you aren’t alone will help you keep your sanity during this time.  (Actually my brother-in-law reached out to us first.  I told him what my sister told me to say, “Only talk to my sister about the children and the finances and I will not discuss her with you,” but my sister still wasn’t happy with that.  So when she wrote us out of her life, I contacted my brother-in-law.)

Even though things are bleak, there is hope.  It is in the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is all powerful.  Admit to God that you’re a sinner and repent (turn from) your sins and put your trust in Christ.  He will take you from death from sin to life in Him.  With Him, there is hope!  Be praying for your wife and your marriage!