Tag Archives: GCM

Bad Theology – Fellowship with Unbelievers

“Gentle Christian” Mothers allows anyone on as long as they don’t believe spanking is okay.  They can be Christian, Mormon, Catholic, Psuedo-Christian, anything but a spanker.  Considering the name has Christian in it, let’s take a look at what God says.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (2 Cor 6:14-15, ESV)

Inclusivity only leads to problems.  If we would read and obey Scripture we would know the dangers.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.  (1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV)

You might say, “It is just parenting advice!”  Oh, but parenting advice from non-Christians is always devoid of biblical truths from scripture.  We are to raise our children to know God and His word.  We are to teach them the dangers of sin, the amazing grace of our God, His mercy and forgiveness, and walking in His ways.  Too infrequently will there be any talk of such things on GCM.  Most advice has to do with the latest pop psychology studies devoid of mentioning the dreaded word – sin.  The foundation laid at GCM is that children have age appropriateness (I can’t remember the term GCMers always use).  There is nothing wrong with recognizing that a 3 year old can’t do the dishes but a 13 year old can.  There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the older a child gets, the more he understands.  But when age appropriateness and developmental milestones take the place of biblical truths, then there is a problem. Outbursts of anger become “big feelings” instead of sin that needs to be addressed.  Mammas just have “big feelings” too so instead of asking Christ to forgive them, they just remind each other to, “give yourself grace.”   What is missing in parenting on GCM is Christ.  Every once in a while He gets an honorable mention, but He is far from the focus at GCM.

Instead of seeking godly counsel when women are having problems in their marriage or with their family, the fellowship of unbelievers says to divorce and never talk to your family again.  I have heard from many formers who all said similar things: there was a lot of husband bashing going on, convincing wives they are abused so that everyone started getting divorced,  people were encouraged to leave husband, friends and family over minor disagreements.

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
(Psalm 1:1 ESV)

Wordliness, carnality and indifference to sin are becoming the norms at GCM.  How did that happen?  Fellowship with unbelievers.  The god of this age blinds (2 Cor 4:4) them from the truth of the gospel.

You adulterous people!  Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4, ESV)

Terrible Excuses

The owner of GCM once told me this about the way things work on GCM.  “Many different viewpoints may be expressed on the board.  We just ask that members respect the statement of beliefs and not post in a way which promotes beliefs which are contrary to our statement of beliefs and we ask that they follow the posting guidelines.”  And restated in the same e-mail to me, “Again, as I mentioned, we ask that members respect the statement of beliefs and not post in a way which promotes beliefs which are contrary to our statement of beliefs and we ask that they follow the posting guidelines.”  Some one I know looked on the public forum before and told me it had the makings of a cult, he couldn’t see from the public that it was.  He also mentioned a lot of the bad theology he saw.

The following quote is from a lady named Beth on Camille’s facebook page (I have no idea who these people are.  All I know from reading on facebook is Camille is a former GCMer who had problems with GCM).  From the sounds of it, Beth clicked on a GCM link for the first time.  This is what she said about it, “So having lurked a few threads, this is what I have come away with.  One thread of someone complaining about a remark her husband made.  Rather than discussing this issue with him, she went to a forum of strangers to complain and gain affirmation/ammunition from them.  NO ONE in the forum suggests she talk it out with her husband.  Other threads appear to be people looking for others to help them make what should be simple decisions. There seems to be an atmosphere of undue dependence on the opinions of the group. Not good.  So that’s just what I’ve gathered from a brief period of  lurking.”  Wow, she saw that after just a tiny bit of time gandering around!  And none of the people in charge at GCM can see this???

“We are being light.”  If GCM would argue this, that they think they are doing a good thing by allowing non-Christians on the site, they are mistaken.*  I really don’t know if they think this or not, but this thought is often seen in Christianity today, being light to non-Christians by bringing them into close fellowship with believers.  As all the above verses mention that doesn’t work.  If GCM was actually a gospel centered place then non-Christians would be able to read the public forum pages and learn about godly parenting (BTW, non-Christians wouldn’t learn much of anything on GCM about biblical parenting or the gospel because they have strayed so far from the statement of belief.)

* Now I know where this came from.  The former GCMer mentioned it in the guest post.  Read it HERE.  (This was updated May 2, 2014) Continue reading

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The Call For Repentance

 

I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity;  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. (Psalm 32:5 ESV)

Jesus would probably not be considered gentle by “gentle” “Christian” mothers when he spoke to the Pharisees and said something like this to them, “Woe to scribes and Pharisees, Hypocrites! Blind guides.”  They probably also wouldn’t consider it gentle to say, “For they preach, but do not practice...For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.  For you…make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves…You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean…So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (Matthew 23:1-36)

Why do I say they wouldn’t consider Jesus gentle? Many GCMers avoid talk of sin for the most part.  They don’t seem to think they or their kids are sinners.  They might say they are sinners so they can say they have grace, but they never admit any of the sins they actually commit are sins.  It is so much easier to call sins by a psychology term so they can keep doing what they are doing.  So they will probably think I am harsh and be mad at me for what I am about to say to them.  My purpose though is actually to call them to repentance so they may walk in a manner worthy of God (2 Cor 7:8-11, 1 Thess 2:12).

SIN!  Woe to you GCMers, you hypocrites, you blind guides, you who preach but do not practice.  You make others twice as much a child of hell as you yourselves are.  You profess to know God but your actions deny Him.  Mourn and weep over your drunkenness, your fornication, your adultery, your lies, your idolatry, your hatred, your arrogance and pride.  Repent! “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice   homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV).”  “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him (1 John 3:15).”  Those who practice these things will be thrown into the lake that burns with fire and sulfur (Revelation 21:8).

STOP! Stop playing the blame game.  Adam and Eve tried it, didn’t work.  Your sins are not the result of your (ex) husband or your parents.  “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire (James 1:14).”  Admit your sins to God and stop trying to deny them.  Do you really think God is going to accept those excuses on the day of judgment?  The guilt you feel is the result of the sin you continue to commit against a Holy God who humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross! (Phil 2:8)

FREEDOM!  True freedom does not come from body piercings, tattoos, drinking, workbooks, or sexual immorality.  You work hard for your freedom, but you are a slave to your sin.  Freedom, true freedom, only comes through Christ (John 8:31-38).  The Son sets you free!

FORGIVENESS!  How good of God to forgive us when we acknowledge our sins to Him.  He could hold our sins against us, but if we humble ourselves before Him, He gives us grace.  If we do not humble ourselves, keep on sinning deliberately, and not  confess our iniquities, He will oppose us.  It is a dreadful and fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. (James 4:1-10, Hebrews 10:26-31) Repent while it is still today!  The precious promise of God is that He will remember your sins and lawless deeds no more.  Today is the day of salvation through Christ Jesus our Lord as 2 Cor 6:2 says, “Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.”

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God
Psalm 51

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.

(Psalm 51:1-9 ESV)

 True Repentance by Phil Johnson, transcript
True Repentance, audio

 

 

 

Family Background

I know I need to be careful over the next several posts since I will be going into personal matters.  Please know I am not doing so with any maliciousness or hatred towards anyone.  I am not doing this to spread gossip, but to finally reveal our side of the story.  My sister had the opportunity to share her side with thousands of her online bff’s so now they will know the other side of the story.  As I write I will continually have these verses on my mind.

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.  2 Timothy 2:24-26, ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  Colossians 3:12-13, ESV

I spoke to my brother-in-law early on in the makings of this website and asked if he was comfortable with me saying certain things.  He basically said he didn’t care what I said about him.

My parents know a bit about this website, but they don’t know as much as I do about my sister.  They have not been the same since this happened and some things I reveal I do not want them to know simply because their health can not withstand it.  Anything I say about them, I do not think they will have a problem with.  From long ago conversations with them, I think they would be happy that their side is finally being told.

Here is a bit of family background before I start to introduce what happened from our perspective.

My sister was always outgoing, smart, and feisty!  She was considered the bossy one in the family.  She loves being online.  She likes being the center of attention.  She NEVER had a problem with speaking her mind.

I was considered the tactless one (something I have been trying to improve over the years).  I would often would say things before speaking and hurt people’s feelings.  I was always super shy unless I was around my family.  I am just a bit more outgoing now.  I am probably also considered the weird one, hey  I like to entertain my family.  I always did things differently than my siblings.  I love to laugh.  Unfortunately, I also laugh when I am nervous which has gotten me into trouble before.

My mom is a loving woman who cares deeply about her family.  People travel miles just to spend the night at my parent’s house instead of a hotel because of the inviting atmosphere.  She loves to stuff people full of food as soon as they walk in the door!  She is not perfect, but she is a great mother!  She worries herself sick over us, always has and always will.

My dad is great.  Sarcasm is his weakness.  Odd sense of humor.  He is a man who loves his family.

My parents would do anything for their children.  They would travel cross-country to be with us in our times of need, we never had to worry about financial problems, they always opened their house to us when we needed shelter.  They never turned their backs on any of us.  They love each one of us unconditionally, yes they still love my GCM sister.

My brother-in-law came from a rich family.  He has a strong work ethic which was often a pit-fall in their marriage.

We knew in our family what each of our faults were but we loved each other anyway (or so I thought).

Our Side of the Story

If two people are having a problem, then there are two sides to that problem.  I want to finally share my family’s side of the story.  I was hesitant to do so out of respect for my sister and my family even though I know my sister has no problems sharing intimate details of her life with thousands of people online.  It still seemed wrong to me.

My sister’s friend commented on my Sister post.  She said I leave tidbits out.  Yes, yes I do.  I am trying to be respectful.  It has been hard not to give our full side of the story.

I’d still prefer to keep this private, but I am getting tired of being misunderstood and demonized, and with the recent events that took place at GCM.  It is time.

 

 

More About Sin

Here is a portion from an article by Rick Thomas, The Most Powerful Way to Help Someone to Change that I thought GCMers would be helped by.

“Here is my question to you: Shouldn’t you have mercy on others because of the mercy that was shown to you? Let’s go at it this way. Let’s take a short Gospel Test. How you answer these questions will reveal your understanding and application of the Gospel:

  1. Who is the biggest sinner you know? If you say anyone other than yourself, then you may have Gospel amnesia. (cf. Matthew 7:3-5; 1 Timothy 1:15)
  2. Do you believe what was done to you by others is worse than what you did to the Savior?
  3. Is there someone in your life you will not forgive?
  4. Is there someone in your life you are generally angry, frustrated, or impatient?

How you answered these questions reveals your functional understanding and application of the Gospel. If you are more stuck on what someone has done to you rather than what you have done to Christ, then you are a problem-centered, self-centered Christian, rather than a Gospel-centered Christian.”

What Is Going On?

This will be my most hastily written post ever because it is a current event update!  I feel like a news reporter.  I know what the headline should be.

GCM Shuts Down

Of course, it is not the professional news reporter who would then state, “woo hoo, woo hoo, happy dance, woo hoo.”  Unfortunately, it is a temporary shut down though.  So what happened, what is happening?  I will probably ask more questions than answer, but here we go.

It all started last week.  The site administrator and moderators decided it was time for a break.  In order to take a step back from the site, they would shut down all non-parenting related forums through lent.  From what a moderator had said I can gather that no prior notice was given even though they knew about the partial shut down for a week.  They got too busy to notify the GCMers.  So one day thousands of GCMers woke up without their community, it had been snatched like “a rug pulled out from under” them.  Keep in mind, not all of GCM was shut down.  But when a web site has an unhealthy control over you, well your world shuts down!

Let me digress here and aid my fellow reader in the structure of GCM.  First there are the few public posts where you and I can go and read.  Once someone becomes a member they then can start posting in these public forums.  When 10 posts have been reached a door reveals the next layer of GCM.  They are now privy to more forums.  Once 40 posts are reached more doors open.  The same with 80, 125, 25o, 500 and possibly even 1000 posts.  There are at least 28 private forums, two of which include “solo parenting within marriage” for those women who have beastly husbands who don’t know how to be gentle (bit of sarcasm there, yes) and “breaking the chains (abuse and addiction)” where I can only imagine a great deal of damage to families is done.  So these are probably two of the many shut down.  To that I would say, “May they never come back!”

Some GCMers thought there was more to the story than what meets the eye.  Was there some conspiracy going on?  Is that why they were really shut down?  From the public forum, I found no evidence of this -it was alluded to that there are online chat areas where people were talking one on one with moderators and then leaving.  But I did find that the administrator was called a liar and all sorts of names.  I know how this feels.  Since the beginning of this site, I have been called many nasty things by GCMers, egotistical, sad, pathetic, a miserable excuse for a person, rude,  I have been told I need a kick in the pants (thought they didn’t believe in violence?), I should be in a straight jacket and the list goes on and on.  So I know how nasty these woman can be.  But now they have turned on themselves!  Division in the ranks.  At first it was everyone else that was abusive.  A former GCMer once told me that, “I have frequently seen members encourage other members to end contact with family and friends over simple arguments. At GCM there is no such thing as an argument, there is only “abuse”.”   Now GCMers are calling each other abusive!  Here are some of the comments that have been made.  (By the way, many members have quit since this all occurred.)  Emphasis added by me.

I can’t function in a place that has become so toxic. I can’t function in a place where a few people are held to a different standard of conduct for how they treat others. I can’t function in a place where we are reminded to extend grace to our children, and yet that same grace is not shown to members, over and over again. GCM has encouraged me to be brave. To speak up. To draw boundaries.  To take a stand against abuse in my life. Unfortunately today that means I have to take a stand against GCM. I cannot stay.” – posted March 10, 2014 Out of the desert and into the sun

“It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.  Please deactivate my membership.” -posted on March 7, 2014 A full-on Monet
“In the past few days, I’ve seen behavior that breaks my heart. I’m not talking about personality clashes or differences in communication styles. I’m talking about dishonesty, emotional manipulation, and just plain nastiness. Some of the most vocal detractors of GCM are demanding something from the GCM leadership — an ethical stance, a compassionate approach to listening, a tolerance for differences in perspective — that they themselves are unwilling to provide. To support and encourage this kind of breach of trust makes those of us who have given of our time and energies (and I have given perhaps the least of all) here as mods and admins feel as though we have shared our hearts, our vulnerabilities, and our inner thoughts with people who are judging us and finding us wanting (best case scenario) or who will later use those vulnerabilities to hurt us (worst case scenario). I’ve seen mods and admins called liars in the past few days. It’s been implied to me and other mods that we are in the dark and GCM would be better off without us. I’ve watched people cheer on those who are saying the most hurtful, unkind, and negative things about Jeri and her board when all she has ever done is make this amazing space available to any mother who needed it. I have watched people spread half-truths and gossip and then turn around and accuse the leadership team here of the same actions with absolutely no evidence.”  -posted on March 10, 2014 I’m Probably Going to Look Back on This as One of My Crazy Episodes
“However, as a member of this community, I am now choosing to walk away from an environment that has become toxic. Where there’s little, if any, accountability for the leadership, where certain members of the community seem to be given a free pass to act in ways that many other members of the community are not, where grace is no longer shown to the members the way it used to be. I am standing up, using my voice that I found through GCM, to say that I can’t stay here and watch this happen anymore. I can’t stay and watch the abuse continue unchecked anymore.Last I counted, at least 15 members, most of them long-time members who had been here for years and had accumulated tens of thousands of posts, had deactivated. That didn’t happen for no reason or because a few people got in a snit. I can’t speak specifically for anyone else, but I would hope that when that many long-time members, with that many posts, leave within the space of a few days, it would be a huge red flag to the leadership here that something isn’t right, that something isn’t working.” – posted on March 10, 2014 Peace out
“And therein lies why it’s going to continue to be hard to understand. There are privacy rules in place where you can’t even point out when a post is indicative of a pattern of behavior because you might be mentioning something that happened in another thread, or you might be told it’s something you should handle in another venue, etc., which is very effective at keeping issues quiet even when they are not effectively addressed. If someone asks me what’s going on, all I can tell them is that they’ll have to discover it for themselves because the privacy rules keep it shrouded. There may be changes brewing, but only certain changes would mean that the same thing’s not going to continue as a pattern until the next generation of 10,000+ posters discover it for themselves.”  -posted  on March 10, 2014 Re: i don’t understand why people keep leaving
So will there be any lasting change?  Does the leadership finally see what I have been saying all along?  Will they get back to their roots: Jesus of the Bible?  Will GCMers repent?  Will they see the abuse they themselves have caused while accusing others of abuse?  Will their eyes be opened to their hypocrisy?  I can only hope and pray for the best.  My prayer is that with the entire site being shut down for 5 or 6 days, that many GCMers will now focus on their families and realize they don’t need GCM.  I pray that the leadership will see what I have seen and just shut the whole site down because of the vast array of problems.  If it does come back, I pray that they will stick with their initial objectives and give up all else (i.e. bad theology, everyone is abusive but me mentality,  everyone but GCM is evil mentality, etc.).  But from what I understand nothing will be deleted during this time, most unfortunately.
So we wait and we pray.
 

Why Does “She” Do That

The following quotes of abusive personality types are taken from Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He Do That.  It’s amazing how many GCM woman fit these profiles, but they deny that they are abusive.  Don’t they realize that if they deny they are abusers they are  playing the victim according to their guru, Lundy?

Husbands of GCMers you might recognize a lot of these quotes in your wife.  I am truly sorry if you do.  If you are reading this there is a good chance she has already accused you of abuse.  You may have even taken steps to improve the relationship which is a good thing.  She, however, will never see herself as a contributing factor to your marriage problems.  In the mind of a GCMer, everything is your fault and always will be.  Unfortunately, when it gets this far there isn’t much you can do except take the blame for everything horrible in her life for the rest of your life.  To quote Lundy’s abuser profile of Mr. Right, “Your opinions aren’t worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.”  Of course your opinions are worth something but your GCM wife will not be listening to them and taking them into consideration.  By this time she has been steeped in the cult teachings of GCM.  Remember to love and pray for your wife even when she treats you badly.  As God’s word says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”(Ephesians 5:25).  Be strengthened in the grace that is in Christ.  Tougher times are still ahead.

PLEASE NOTE:  When I have switched the pronouns (examples: he to she or her to him), I have put them in quotes (pg 83, 85, 87. 99, 101).  I jotted down some of the ones that made me think of my sister or other GCMers.  It has been a year since I wrote my review of Lundy’s book and I do not have the book any longer.  I didn’t think I would be making a post of them so I don’t have page numbers for the excerpts.  If you want to find the quote it should be easy if you look under the appropriate heading: Mr. Right, Water Torturer, etc. 

“Mrs.” Right

page 53: “…the abusive “woman” typically considers “herself” the authority on parenting…”  Wow, that is completely my sister and probably a majority of GCMers!  Ladies, all you have to do is switch the pronouns.  Can you see yourself now?  
“tears down, ridicules, and discredits “his” perspective, condescending, focused on telling “him” how to think, wants to impose “her” own ideas.”

“You should be in awe of my intelligence and you should look up to me intellectually. I know better than you do, even about what’s good for you.”

“Your opinions aren’t worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.” How ’bout now?  Can you see yourself yet?

“The fact that you sometimes disagree with me shows how sloppy your thinking is.”

“When you disagree with me about something, no matter how respectfully or meekly, that’s mistreatment of me.”

Water Torturer
“You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing.”

“I can easily convince other people that you’re the one who is messed up.”

“As long as I’m calm, you can’t call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel.”  Surely you can see yourself now? 

“I know exactly how to get under your skin.”

Drill Sergeant
“I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong.”

“I know the exact way that everything should be done.”

“I love you more than anyone in the world, but you disgust me.”

Victim
“Everybody has done me wrong, especially the “men” I’ve been involved with. Poor me.”

“When you accuse me of being abusive, you are joining the parade of people who have been cruel and unfair to me.”  Surely by now you can see yourself?

“”Men” who complain of mistreatment by “women”, such as relationship abuse or sexual harassment, are anti-“female” and out for blood.”

Terrorist
“The children are one of the best tools I can use to make you fearful.”

GCMer, if you see yourself (the hypocrisy and pride) in these quotes, please know there is forgiveness with the Lord.  Confess your sins and trust in Christ to nail them to the cross.  He came to seek and save the lost.  What good news!  Talk to your husband.  Confess your sins to him.  Work things out together.  I can guarantee that neither of you have been perfect in your marriage.  There is forgiveness for you both!  There is new life in Christ!!  And even from this point on neither of you will be sinless.  But God’s word tells us in 1 John, “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins…”  You can forgive your spouse today and tomorrow and the day after that, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:31-32).”  If Christ forgave you, you can forgive your husband!!