Don’t Ignore Problems

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29

There is not one Christian community that is devoid of sin.  All Christian communities are made up of sinners who have been saved by grace.  Christ gave them a new heart yet they still struggle with their flesh.  Perfection is desired but we also realize this is not possible on this side of life.  This is why humility and forgiveness are needed.  The sanctification process takes a lifetime.  There should be continual growth in any Christian group.

On Thursday, April 10, 2014 there was a thread started on the Let’s Talk part of the GCM forum called I think its extremely sad.  It has since been locked to further comments.

There were many on there who were upset with what the original poster said, “Now the only people left are the “yes men” …. so go ahead, tear me a new one, but this is the truth.”  One GCMer handled it well.  Mamaka (#159) did a good job!  I recommend everyone go read what she said to illinoismommy.  It is so sad to see that many don’t speak this way on a supposedly Christian site.  Although Mamaka did not exactly like how illinoismommy said something, she tried to understand her and not dismiss her because of the way she chose to say it.  Although Mamaka had no answers, she acknowledged the problem.  I also want to mention gentlemommy’s apology (#185) to milkdud.  It was very nice to see someone humbly confessing what they did wrong!  It was wonderful to see something favorable.  So although most of the comments were not so good, helpful or edifying on this thread, there were two positive ones worth mentioning.

I get rude comments from GCMers all the time.  People are upset with what I write.  Sometimes I do have to go back and make a correction.  This just happened recently in my Hate Comments post.  Although the GCMer  misconstrued my intentions and was not so nice about how she said it, I still took the time to look over what she was offended about.  I did notice right away that I really didn’t want that much information out there so I edited it out.  It was a reminder to myself that I really have to take more time to post sometimes!  A good reminder to us all – don’t talk or write in anger!  Although I was quite disgusted with “Herkimmerbones” attitude on something she knew nothing about and appalled at what she said, I really did need to take into account others whom I was talking about.  If I hadn’t posted in such haste I would have also gotten my brother-in-laws approval first before I posted the gossip of the commenter.  He didn’t care so I left it up.  But in the same post, I didn’t even think of others when I should have.  The mistakes had been made, all I could do was humbly admit it then try my best to fix them.

I could have instead done what many GCMers do.  Not even acknowledge the problem because  the person was rude in the way that she told me about the problem.  But ignoring problems is not the answer.  I could have just “given myself grace” for my “big feelings” but I would still be in my sin.  I went to the One who is able to forgive and give grace because He bled and died for my sins.  I confessed my anger and my thoughtlessness in considering others.  I received the grace that comes from God.  It is by far better than any grace I can give myself.  For when He gives me grace there is then no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (from Romans 8:1).

GCMers (as well as myself) watch how you say things to people.  Let us humbly count others more significant than ourselves (from Phil 2:3).  When we fall short in this area let us confess our sins and receive forgiven.

GCMers stop ignoring problems.  Address them, even if someone is not so nice in the way it was brought up.  Have patience with them and work through the problem instead of ignoring the person.  Forgive the person for their hurtful words.  Help them in a godly way  to work through their frustrations.  Obviously illinoismommy was upset and instead of bashing her into the ground for what she said, gently correct her and then address the problem.  It was truly heartbreaking to read through that thread because very little was accomplished.  Ignoring problems will not make them go away (there are other threads where this also happens).  GCM is bound to have a repeat performance of another split because people bring up concerns but instead of getting answers they get attacked – it’s the “Gentle” “Christian” way I suppose.

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4

 

The god Of Abuse

“Gentle Christians” mothers is an online support group for Christian women to be gentler moms.  Moms sometimes need to be encouraged to raise their children in the Lord.  You decide you want to be a better mom.  You come across a website that claims to be Christian.  You look on their website and see this on their about page:

1) To encourage mothers to minister to their children heartily, as unto the Lord.
2) To help mothers learn to parent more gently.
3) To offer mothers information so they can make informed choices.
4) To strengthen and build mothers’ confidence in their choices and in their ability to parent their children as God guides them.
5) To encourage mothers to love their children, their husbands, and, above all, to love our Lord God.

Can’t argue with any of them except I might add as God guides them through His word to number 4.  All great goals!  You think, “Great! I am going to sign up!”  Unfortunately, this is not what happens much of the time on GCM.  The above listed goals are very misleading.  In reality they should read:

1) To encourage moms to spend more and more time on GCM.
2) To help mothers learn to parent without the help of the fathers.
3) To offer mothers information so they can parent “our” way.
4) To strengthen mothers to be in total control of all child-rearing decisions.
5) To encourage mothers to love a false god and leave their husbands and put their children on antidepressants and other brain drugs (I have heard this from a few people now plus all of my sister’s children have been put on different drugs over the past two or so years).

It has been nice to see some deactivations stating that they need to spend more time with their families.  Yeah!  Also, the owner of the site did say they were going to get back to the goals of GCM.  It is concerning how far removed they became in the first place and will change really happen?  I can’t answer those questions.  This site may have started with good intentions and it had such potential to be a place of encouragement, but knowing what happened to my sister and others, I know this is an unsafe place to be.  I am not very hopeful that there will be any lasting change.  There are too many people still on GCM that follow the latter goals.

So if you are new to “Gentle Christian” Mothers, you might expect them to talk a lot about God and His word.  You might not know that evil takes place deep within.  The ungodly spouting off their ungodly doctrines.  You may go for a year or two thinking all is peachy-keen, but that is because you aren’t part of the privileged class.  They worship a different god.  She is the god of abuse.  And she has different rules to play by and if you go off script, well you will most likely be labeled toxic or unsafe.

How can this be?  It starts by getting woman to believe that anyone who is supportive of spanking is an abuser.  Once they believe that, then the separation from family can begin.  They talk down to their husbands because what do they know about parenting?  Nothing in their opinion.  They are the ones who spend all day on the computer talking to “experts” so they know it all.  If the husband doesn’t comply with all of their “rules” for parenting, then the breakdown of the marriage results.  From there it just gets nastier and nastier.

Here are some of the rules of the abuse god you should know about if you are going to join GCM.

(The following images were all taken from http://teampyro.blogspot.com.  Too bad the first two pictures weren’t of women.)

1) If you, a GCMer, claims abuse, then everything the said abuser does is abuse.  Nothing nice can be said about the alleged abuser nor can anyone tell you that something he is doing is rational because to do so would be to take his side, to do so would not be supporting you, the GCMer, 100%.  To do so would be crossing a boundary.  Anyone who crosses a boundary needs to be immediately cast out of your life forever.

2) Anyone who disagrees with you does not worship the one true abuse god and has crossed a boundary,  have nothing to do with them.

3) Slander the accused at any chance you get.  Tell everyone.  If someone cautions you on how you are speaking about the abuser, cut them out of your life.  They obviously don’t understand the healing process.

4) Never read the Bible.  If you do, only read the parts about grace and forgiveness and then apply it only to yourself.

5) Tell everyone how terrible your parents are.  They deserve to be treated without any consideration unless they are okay with your new cult-like personality and slandering your husband.

6) Hate everyone who even says the slightest thing you might take as an insult.  Hope they die and go to hell.  After all they crossed a boundary.

7) Commit adultery/fornication.  How else will you heal?
Also body mutilation is a good thing.

8) Try to take all your husband’s money and if he doesn’t give it all to you, tell everyone he is financially abusing you.  He is obviously crossing a financial boundary if he wants any money.

9) Tell lies if you have to if will advance your agenda.

10) Never answer questions.  You owe it to no one.  There are no reasonable questions.  They are obviously asking you questions to keep you under their control.  Don’t let anyone cross this boundary. 

Take heed of Paul’s words to Timothy:

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

If you are thinking of joining GCM, remember the words of Paul and have nothing to do with people like this!

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (2 Cor 6:14-15, ESV)

Bad Theology – Fellowship with Unbelievers

“Gentle Christian” Mothers allows anyone on as long as they don’t believe spanking is okay.  They can be Christian, Mormon, Catholic, Psuedo-Christian, anything but a spanker.  Considering the name has Christian in it, let’s take a look at what God says.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (2 Cor 6:14-15, ESV)

Inclusivity only leads to problems.  If we would read and obey Scripture we would know the dangers.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.  (1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV)

You might say, “It is just parenting advice!”  Oh, but parenting advice from non-Christians is always devoid of biblical truths from scripture.  We are to raise our children to know God and His word.  We are to teach them the dangers of sin, the amazing grace of our God, His mercy and forgiveness, and walking in His ways.  Too infrequently will there be any talk of such things on GCM.  Most advice has to do with the latest pop psychology studies devoid of mentioning the dreaded word – sin.  The foundation laid at GCM is that children have age appropriateness (I can’t remember the term GCMers always use).  There is nothing wrong with recognizing that a 3 year old can’t do the dishes but a 13 year old can.  There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the older a child gets, the more he understands.  But when age appropriateness and developmental milestones take the place of biblical truths, then there is a problem. Outbursts of anger become “big feelings” instead of sin that needs to be addressed.  Mammas just have “big feelings” too so instead of asking Christ to forgive them, they just remind each other to, “give yourself grace.”   What is missing in parenting on GCM is Christ.  Every once in a while He gets an honorable mention, but He is far from the focus at GCM.

Instead of seeking godly counsel when women are having problems in their marriage or with their family, the fellowship of unbelievers says to divorce and never talk to your family again.  I have heard from many formers who all said similar things: there was a lot of husband bashing going on, convincing wives they are abused so that everyone started getting divorced,  people were encouraged to leave husband, friends and family over minor disagreements.

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
(Psalm 1:1 ESV)

Wordliness, carnality and indifference to sin are becoming the norms at GCM.  How did that happen?  Fellowship with unbelievers.  The god of this age blinds (2 Cor 4:4) them from the truth of the gospel.

You adulterous people!  Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4, ESV)

Terrible Excuses

The owner of GCM once told me this about the way things work on GCM.  “Many different viewpoints may be expressed on the board.  We just ask that members respect the statement of beliefs and not post in a way which promotes beliefs which are contrary to our statement of beliefs and we ask that they follow the posting guidelines.”  And restated in the same e-mail to me, “Again, as I mentioned, we ask that members respect the statement of beliefs and not post in a way which promotes beliefs which are contrary to our statement of beliefs and we ask that they follow the posting guidelines.”  Some one I know looked on the public forum before and told me it had the makings of a cult, he couldn’t see from the public that it was.  He also mentioned a lot of the bad theology he saw.

The following quote is from a lady named Beth on Camille’s facebook page (I have no idea who these people are.  All I know from reading on facebook is Camille is a former GCMer who had problems with GCM).  From the sounds of it, Beth clicked on a GCM link for the first time.  This is what she said about it, “So having lurked a few threads, this is what I have come away with.  One thread of someone complaining about a remark her husband made.  Rather than discussing this issue with him, she went to a forum of strangers to complain and gain affirmation/ammunition from them.  NO ONE in the forum suggests she talk it out with her husband.  Other threads appear to be people looking for others to help them make what should be simple decisions. There seems to be an atmosphere of undue dependence on the opinions of the group. Not good.  So that’s just what I’ve gathered from a brief period of  lurking.”  Wow, she saw that after just a tiny bit of time gandering around!  And none of the people in charge at GCM can see this???

“We are being light.”  If GCM would argue this, that they think they are doing a good thing by allowing non-Christians on the site, they are mistaken.*  I really don’t know if they think this or not, but this thought is often seen in Christianity today, being light to non-Christians by bringing them into close fellowship with believers.  As all the above verses mention that doesn’t work.  If GCM was actually a gospel centered place then non-Christians would be able to read the public forum pages and learn about godly parenting (BTW, non-Christians wouldn’t learn much of anything on GCM about biblical parenting or the gospel because they have strayed so far from the statement of belief.)

* Now I know where this came from.  The former GCMer mentioned it in the guest post.  Read it HERE.  (This was updated May 2, 2014)

Bad Theology – Grace

For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.  2 Cornithians 2:2

I have mentioned before the lack of Jesus on the gentle Christian mothers forum pages.  There is lot of talk about personality types, how to dress according to your energy, and other such psychobabble.  One biblical term that is talked a great deal about though is grace.

What is grace?  Unmerited favor on sinners who deserve God’s wrath.

Where does grace come from? “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” John 1:17

Why are we given grace?  We need it!  We are all sinners who will have to pay the penalty for the sin we commit against God unless we are given undeserved favor from the Lord Himself. (2 Thes 1:5-12; Ephesians 2:4-9; Romans 5:6-9;)

Sin, Guilt, Confession

Whether you are an anti-spanker or spanker, sometimes parents respond to their child’s sin with sin themselves.  Sin in response to sin, what do you do with that?  How do GCMers respond when they confess to the other members that they weren’t nice to their child (more like confess they had “big feelings” over their child’s “big feelings”)?  A lot of times the advice is, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Give yourself grace.”  Jesus is not mentioned.   The Christian should know that when we are feeling guilty over our parenting, we have a wonderful Savior who died for our sins. Instead of remaining in the sin and guilt, confess the sin.  Humble yourself before God and your child; confess your sin to God,       confess your sin to your child.  Point your child to Jesus’ work on the cross for the forgiveness of your sin and your child’s sin.  Go back to the gospel.  This is what the Christian who sinned needs to be reminded of when guilt stricken.

Always pointing people to grace without the mention of Christ is pointing people to themselves.  It is the work of Christ that is so amazing.  What is grace without Christ?  It might be fine for non-Christians to give that advice to other non-Christians.  What do they know about the need for repentance?  What do they know of the freedom that comes through Christ Jesus our Lord?  But the believer has forgiveness through Christ and His grace!  We need to hear it.  We need to be pointed back to Christ and not to ourselves.

“The gospel news of salvation by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone is summed up with three words—ransomed, redeemed, and reconciled. Those whom Christ has ransomed by His atonement on the cross He has redeemed and, therefore, reconciled them to Himself intimately and eternally.” — Harry Reeder

Cheap Grace

Grace is often reduced to what Dietrick Bonhoeffer referred to as “cheap grace”.

“Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance…cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Cost of Discipleship (Source)

Vanessa, from Hearts on Guard, said this about cheap grace.

“Grace is cheapened, sugar-coated, spread around with happy platitudes and warm-fuzzy pictures and songs. Declarations of our awesomeness, holiness and righteousness ring out, and any call for repentance, any mention of our old Adam is hushed and called displeasing to God.”

Look at Paul’s writings.  He encourages churches.  How?  Not by giving meaningless platitudes, but by always pointing them to their Lord and Savior.  I recommend anyone who is reading this, spend time in the books that Paul wrote.  See how he always mentions Christ.  When Paul mentions sin, Christ is mentioned.  When he mentions grace, Christ is mentioned.  The following few verses don’t even wait a few lines to link grace with Christ.  Romans 3:24; 2 Timothy 1:9; 2 Timothy 2:1.  Let us encourage one another like Paul.  Let us not leave out Christ!

Not a License to Sin

Some GCMers cheapen grace by using it as an excuse to sin.  I will not say anything more on it in this post, but refer you to my post entitled Legalism.  God’s word says:

For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.  Jude 4

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. Titus 2:11-14

A great song about grace and Christ by Sovereign Grace Music.
Now Why This Fear?

Lyrics:
Now why this fear and unbelief?
Has not the Father put to grief
His spotless Son for us?
And will the righteous Judge of men
Condemn me for the debt of sin
Now canceled at the cross?Jesus, all my trust is in Your blood
Jesus, You’ve rescued us
Through Your great love

Complete atonement You have made
And by Your death have fully paid
The debt Your people owed
No wrath remains for us to face
We’re sheltered by Your saving grace
And sprinkled with Your blood

How sweet the sound of saving grace
How sweet the sound of saving grace
Christ died for me

Be still my soul and know this peace
The merits of your great high priest
Have bought your liberty
Rely then on His precious blood
Don’t fear your banishment from God
Since Jesus sets you free

More About Sin

Here is a portion from an article by Rick Thomas, The Most Powerful Way to Help Someone to Change that I thought GCMers would be helped by.

“Here is my question to you: Shouldn’t you have mercy on others because of the mercy that was shown to you? Let’s go at it this way. Let’s take a short Gospel Test. How you answer these questions will reveal your understanding and application of the Gospel:

1. Who is the biggest sinner you know? If you say anyone other than yourself, then you may have Gospel amnesia. (cf. Matthew 7:3-5; 1 Timothy 1:15)
2. Do you believe what was done to you by others is worse than what you did to the Savior?
3. Is there someone in your life you will not forgive?
4. Is there someone in your life you are generally angry, frustrated, or impatient?

How you answered these questions reveals your functional understanding and application of the Gospel. If you are more stuck on what someone has done to you rather than what you have done to Christ, then you are a problem-centered, self-centered Christian, rather than a Gospel-centered Christian.”

Bad Theology – Sin

…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

Although the GCM shut down will likely not result in resolving any of the issues I have spoken out about on this website, my hope and prayer is that everyone will take this time to reevaluate GCM.  I pray that moms will be asking themselves if they have spent too much time online instead of with their kids (and husbands too).  I have been praying that since many have left on a bad note, maybe now the head honchos of GCM will waken up to the problems that are on the site.  Although I hope and pray for the best, it might stay the same.  And so I continue on although I wouldn’t mind if they closed their doors completely and put me out of a job!!!  I have been working on several posts about the bad theology running rampant on GCM and what a great time to finally get them finished.   This is the first of many.

Sin

Parents are the ones who should be the main teachers of Scripture to their children (morning, noon, and night! see Deut 6:7).  We are to teach them about sin and our sinful nature, repentance, grace, mercy, forgiveness through Christ’s death on the cross, sanctification and bringing glory and honor to our God.  We can not just teach grace because without the others, what does grace mean?  We need to teach the law and the gospel so they will be broken-hearted over their sins and run to the Savior for grace, mercy and forgiveness.

“Psalm 51 is the photograph of a contrite spirit. Oh, let us seek after the like brokenness of heart, for however excellent our words may be, yet if the heart is not conscious of the blackness and hell-deservingness of sin, we cannot expect to find mercy with the Judge of all the earth. If the Lord will break your heart, consent to have it broken; asking that he may sanctify that brokenness of spirit to bring you in earnest to a savior, that you may yet be numbered with the righteous ones.” – C. H. Spurgeon

“We rob the gospel of its power if we leave out its threatenings of punishment.” – C.H. Spurgeon

Many GCMers have a problem with calling anything they do as sin.  They and their children just have, “big feelings”.  That is all.  Just feelings.  Nothing wrong with feelings.  Except the problem when our feelings can lead us to sin when we aren’t going to God’s word for the truth.

James 1:14-15 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

Number One “Big Feeling”: Anger

Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and do not sin.”  Anger in and of itself is NOT sin.  What we do with that anger can be sin.  If our child is acting out in anger by hurting others, he is sinning.  He needs to be taught that it is sin and that God hates sin and God punishes sin, but that there is forgiveness if we humbly confess our sins.  If we aren’t teaching these things to our children, we are teaching them to be indifferent towards sin.  Indifference to sin will lead us further from our wonderful Savior and down that broad and wide path that many find themselves on, the path that leads to destruction.  Let us be realistic and honest, most of our anger does not show forth in righteousness but in sinful ways and those need to be called sin.

To show you why “big feelings” is a bad idea, I will use me as an example.  I am sure GCMers will be able to see my sin!  I have gotten called many horrible names by GCMers who had “big feelings” about my blog.  I have been called sad, pathetic, rude, angry, bitter, blind and so many things.  When I get comments like this, you know what my first reaction is?  “You stupidhead.”  Not exactly, but my first thoughts are usually not good thoughts.  I get angry.  Now in my anger, I could comment back a lot of hatred filled rhetoric too.  I know this would be sin and not bring glory to God.  So, when I get these types of comments, I often have to walk away for a day or two until I can respond in an appropriate manner i.e. defend truth and not attack the person.  GCMers, I know how easily it is for me to sin.  I know I still have my sinful nature, but I also know I am no longer a slave to that sinful nature.  I know I don’t have to sin in my anger.  But according to your theology (actually pop psychology), since I just have “big feelings”, why does it matter if I would write back to you and call you all the names you call me?  We both are just having “big feelings”.  You express yours and I express mine back to you.  But if we take the time to use Biblical language (and use it correctly), we should call our name calling sin.  We should then repent and call others who do the same to repent.  We should stop calling each other names and forgive one another.  If we are quick to say, “I am having big feelings about this.”, which GCMers often write, without acknowledging our temptation to sin, we really aren’t doing ourselves a service.  You are having sinful thoughts and want to respond in a sinful manner.  How much better to acknowledge that fact instead of trying to whitewash it by making it sound better than it actually is.

I have written about this problem as well as the lack of sin in children (or so they say) before HERE. Since the doctrine of original sin is often attacked, I linked to two articles below on the subject.

Before the Throne of God (sung by Lou Fellingham)

A great High Priest whose name is love, who ever lives and pleads for me

When Satan temps me to despair and tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me

My soul is purchased by His blood

Further Reading:

Original Sin

Is it Possible to Be Angry and Not Sin?

Teaching Children About Sin Versus Protecting Their Self-Esteem

A Short Essay on Original Sin

What Is Going On?

This will be my most hastily written post ever because it is a current event update!  I feel like a news reporter.  I know what the headline should be.

GCM Shuts Down

Of course, it is not the professional news reporter who would then state, “woo hoo, woo hoo, happy dance, woo hoo.”  Unfortunately, it is a temporary shut down though.  So what happened, what is happening?  I will probably ask more questions than answer, but here we go.

It all started last week.  The site administrator and moderators decided it was time for a break.  In order to take a step back from the site, they would shut down all non-parenting related forums through lent.  From what a moderator had said I can gather that no prior notice was given even though they knew about the partial shut down for a week.  They got too busy to notify the GCMers.  So one day thousands of GCMers woke up without their community, it had been snatched like “a rug pulled out from under” them.  Keep in mind, not all of GCM was shut down.  But when a web site has an unhealthy control over you, well your world shuts down!

Let me digress here and aid my fellow reader in the structure of GCM.  First there are the few public posts where you and I can go and read.  Once someone becomes a member they then can start posting in these public forums.  When 10 posts have been reached a door reveals the next layer of GCM.  They are now privy to more forums.  Once 40 posts are reached more doors open.  The same with 80, 125, 25o, 500 and possibly even 1000 posts.  There are at least 28 private forums, two of which include “solo parenting within marriage” for those women who have beastly husbands who don’t know how to be gentle (bit of sarcasm there, yes) and “breaking the chains (abuse and addiction)” where I can only imagine a great deal of damage to families is done.  So these are probably two of the many shut down.  To that I would say, “May they never come back!”

Some GCMers thought there was more to the story than what meets the eye.  Was there some conspiracy going on?  Is that why they were really shut down?  From the public forum, I found no evidence of this -it was alluded to that there are online chat areas where people were talking one on one with moderators and then leaving.  But I did find that the administrator was called a liar and all sorts of names.  I know how this feels.  Since the beginning of this site, I have been called many nasty things by GCMers, egotistical, sad, pathetic, a miserable excuse for a person, rude,  I have been told I need a kick in the pants (thought they didn’t believe in violence?), I should be in a straight jacket and the list goes on and on.  So I know how nasty these woman can be.  But now they have turned on themselves!  Division in the ranks.  At first it was everyone else that was abusive.  A former GCMer once told me that, “I have frequently seen members encourage other members to end contact with family and friends over simple arguments. At GCM there is no such thing as an argument, there is only “abuse”.”   Now GCMers are calling each other abusive!  Here are some of the comments that have been made.  (By the way, many members have quit since this all occurred.)  Emphasis added by me.

“I can’t function in a place that has become so toxic. I can’t function in a place where a few people are held to a different standard of conduct for how they treat others. I can’t function in a place where we are reminded to extend grace to our children, and yet that same grace is not shown to members, over and over again. GCM has encouraged me to be brave. To speak up. To draw boundaries.  To take a stand against abuse in my life. Unfortunately today that means I have to take a stand against GCM. I cannot stay.” – posted March 10, 2014 Out of the desert and into the sun

“It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.  Please deactivate my membership.” -posted on March 7, 2014 A full-on Monet

“In the past few days, I’ve seen behavior that breaks my heart. I’m not talking about personality clashes or differences in communication styles. I’m talking about dishonesty, emotional manipulation, and just plain nastiness. Some of the most vocal detractors of GCM are demanding something from the GCM leadership — an ethical stance, a compassionate approach to listening, a tolerance for differences in perspective — that they themselves are unwilling to provide. To support and encourage this kind of breach of trust makes those of us who have given of our time and energies (and I have given perhaps the least of all) here as mods and admins feel as though we have shared our hearts, our vulnerabilities, and our inner thoughts with people who are judging us and finding us wanting (best case scenario) or who will later use those vulnerabilities to hurt us (worst case scenario). I’ve seen mods and admins called liars in the past few days. It’s been implied to me and other mods that we are in the dark and GCM would be better off without us. I’ve watched people cheer on those who are saying the most hurtful, unkind, and negative things about Jeri and her board when all she has ever done is make this amazing space available to any mother who needed it. I have watched people spread half-truths and gossip and then turn around and accuse the leadership team here of the same actions with absolutely no evidence.”  -posted on March 10, 2014 I’m Probably Going to Look Back on This as One of My Crazy Episodes

“However, as a member of this community, I am now choosing to walk away from an environment that has become toxic. Where there’s little, if any, accountability for the leadership, where certain members of the community seem to be given a free pass to act in ways that many other members of the community are not, where grace is no longer shown to the members the way it used to be. I am standing up, using my voice that I found through GCM, to say that I can’t stay here and watch this happen anymore. I can’t stay and watch the abuse continue unchecked anymore.Last I counted, at least 15 members, most of them long-time members who had been here for years and had accumulated tens of thousands of posts, had deactivated. That didn’t happen for no reason or because a few people got in a snit. I can’t speak specifically for anyone else, but I would hope that when that many long-time members, with that many posts, leave within the space of a few days, it would be a huge red flag to the leadership here that something isn’t right, that something isn’t working.” – posted on March 10, 2014 Peace out

“And therein lies why it’s going to continue to be hard to understand. There are privacy rules in place where you can’t even point out when a post is indicative of a pattern of behavior because you might be mentioning something that happened in another thread, or you might be told it’s something you should handle in another venue, etc., which is very effective at keeping issues quiet even when they are not effectively addressed. If someone asks me what’s going on, all I can tell them is that they’ll have to discover it for themselves because the privacy rules keep it shrouded. There may be changes brewing, but only certain changes would mean that the same thing’s not going to continue as a pattern until the next generation of 10,000+ posters discover it for themselves.”  -posted  on March 10, 2014 Re: i don’t understand why people keep leaving

So will there be any lasting change?  Does the leadership finally see what I have been saying all along?  Will they get back to their roots: Jesus of the Bible?  Will GCMers repent?  Will they see the abuse they themselves have caused while accusing others of abuse?  Will their eyes be opened to their hypocrisy?  I can only hope and pray for the best.  My prayer is that with the entire site being shut down for 5 or 6 days, that many GCMers will now focus on their families and realize they don’t need GCM.  I pray that the leadership will see what I have seen and just shut the whole site down because of the vast array of problems.  If it does come back, I pray that they will stick with their initial objectives and give up all else (i.e. bad theology, everyone is abusive but me mentality,  everyone but GCM is evil mentality, etc.).  But from what I understand nothing will be deleted during this time, most unfortunately.

So we wait and we pray.